Copyrighted to Eric Sim
Copyrighted to Eric Sim
Copyrighted to Eric Sim

August 31, 2006

...


I hate this feeling..
Sometimes I just cannot help but think that I post on the ivle forum just to show that I am right..
It seems to be the wrong reason why people use the forum in the first place..
For the exchange of views, learning from your peers..
I seem to be really aggressive and unreceptive when I post..
And the worst part is I do not make myself come across as that aggressor when I do so..
All that pretence of humbling myself so that the lecturer does not see me in that very manner I think of others..
Such a hypocrite!
I do not know if I really think that their theories are wrong or am I just the stuck-up ass who thinks that I am so right..or am I just voicing out what I think is wrong with their arguments..
..
It hurts when Nic said that I resemble his friends who think too much about trivial academic questions like why do physicists give their answers according to the figure that has the least significant figures to reflect the accuracy of that question.
I merely asked him if interest rates even affect demand for space in the space market..
That was the part that I have to figure out before I can be sure that I was not thinking on the wrong track..
What is wrong with that..
And I probably did the silliest thing by screaming into the phone that I am not his friends before I ended the call..
What is wrong with me..
And yes..the hunger for marks is growing...


Posted by dew at 2:32 AM

August 24, 2006


Sigh..why do I always write such unhappy posts..was supposed to be posting something happier and this came out..tsk..


My tuition kid left me disappointed and angry on Monday when I was found out that he had been keeping mum about his change of examination dates. I truly felt like a fool when I realized that I had been going through the subject that he already sat for earlier that day. Apart from lying and making excuses, it was especially hurtful when he asked me to leave while I was attempting to help. You didn’t know how to do and you want me to leave?!?! (I want to whack your ass, you know that??) How dumb am I to give him frequent time extensions for the past 2 months? Exceeding by an average of 30 minutes on normal days, I stayed on for close to 1.5 hours on Monday to give him a thorough revision – unappreciated. (It was really dumb to do it in the first place..)


Sigh..


I really wanted him to do well - to fulfill my responsibility as a tutor and to meet my own agenda. Unknowingly, I have made him my psychological support and linked his achievement to mine. If I could make him study and do well, I could do it for myself too. And, if I bother to think of ways to teach him effectively, it is therefore in my best interest to work doubly as hard for my grades. It is a terribly silly association but it has left me depressed that night. So dumb.. While I was upset that my efforts were taken lightly, I was probably more upset that he had forcibly snatched away the motivation behind this tuition assignment..



Posted by dew at 11:14 PM

August 15, 2006

Mixed Emotions


Stepping into the familiar grounds of NUS on the first day of school was seemingly comforting and exciting. Revived from the dead city during the 3 months holidays, the school was once again filled with life and vibrancy. Students, shuttle buses, bazaars.. the good old grounds where I spent my days with my dearest friends for the past 4 semesters. Standing at the bus-stop, watching lost faces finding their way to their destination brought back memories as a Year 1 student..It seems mean to feel this way but I do enjoy looking at them.."your turn to get lost"..haha..


Pressure nonetheless sank in after a while. I am in Year 3 now. It's payback time. Paying back the time that was spent aimlessly for the past 2 years. I need 5..for all the semesters to get a second upper..I might probably lose my sanity very soon. I need to get past this semester achieving my goals to prove to myself that this is all possible and tangible.


I hate to be an irritant and a mad, psychotic and impatient woman. Please wake me up if you see me going in the wrong direction. I don't want to lose myself.


But I will do everything I can to get it. The equivalent trade..That is probably what it means. Trading the important for the important.



Posted by dew at 10:59 PM

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