Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles

Just called you to wish you good luck for your exams tomorrow..
There was mixed emotions..
so eager to wish you well..yet the heart tingled with fear as I dialed your number..
I dont know if you will want to run away from me again..
or would the feelings have faded..
does the care and concern that you said to have for me still exist?
was torn between the decision to call you or not..
i knew i wanted to but deep down i understand that the call will affect me..
anyway, i chose the obvious..
during the occassional breaks, i wanted to tell you how much i missed you..
but i had it swallowed..
it was a bad time..
you might not want to hear me in the first place..
i dont want you to disappear forever..
what rubbish am i typing..
damn..
did a lot of useless things today..
you do react to some of the things you do to yourself..
ticking is not one of them..
but i never know we will be shocked when you do it to yourself
perhaps we are more sensitive to such sensation than itch..
ha..you are stupid
binjuan..you can be dumber than that

Posted by dew at 11:26 PM

I thought of you again..
I am weak..
You never seem to get out of my mind..
You crept back every night..every moment when i slow down my pace..
It feels so bad..
It's exams now..so I am supposed to be occupied..
What is going to happen when exams are over..
I have been trying to suppress how I feel these days..
Keeping you out of any conversation..
but you never left..
never did..
and I even hope that you wouldn't..
so silly
so silly..
I haven't cried for some time since then..
but i did it again today..
heard a few songs that day..
i really thought they depicted how i felt towards you..
i dazed off a few times..
wondering how to tell it to you..
i am such an idiot..
a total idiot..
....

Posted by dew at 9:27 PM

斌娟, 潇洒的放手

这何尝不是对你我的解脱..

忘记吧

从新出发

世界会更美好的

对吗..

Posted by dew at 6:53 PM

I dont want pity, I dont want guilt.
Do you understand?
I dont want to be misled..

I know it will be miserable if I fall into the pit again..
Dont want to continue, dont tempt me..

Posted by dew at 2:16 AM

He came to talk to me on msn today.
I dont know if I am happy.
Deep down I have been waiting for him to approach me again..
Hoping that the handphone would ring somehow..
Hoping that he will start the conversation when he sees me online..
He did..
And I was told that he had bought me chocolate and will pass to me in school someday..
For a moment, I was happy..
But he started with a 'hey!'
Was that good?
What was I expecting man..
...
Why did he buy me chocolates?
Guilty?
Trying to strike a conversation?
Thinking of me?
...
I am thinking too much..
No hope no despair
Like an ostrich hiding from the world..
Not wanting to know anything..
...
The heart and the mind do not agree with each other..
Heart: There is always hope
Mind: Stop thinking idiot
...
Cannot believe that such a small gesture can make me think so much..
Your puny brain and heart cannot take this.
Please dont be a pain in the ass.

Help me..
There is only a fine line between hope and despair..

Posted by dew at 12:10 AM

We managed to break the ice last night.
We spoke.
I was happy yesterday.
As i revealed my feelings and faced up to the very issue we have been avoiding for the past 2 weeks, i have put down the load that has been weighing on us..killing us.
Despite being happy that this has been brought to a certain closure, I teared after i put down the phone.
It is probably the last time I called him in the persona of his girlfriend.
I know we will the best of friends even as we part..
But i could not help feeling the ache.
We wanted each other to be happy and this is probably the best that we could do.
We may lead a better life after this..we may..we will..
I have this strong urge to message him to ask him to tell me his decision after he has sorted out what he is looking for..
But i have yet to do so..
I do not want to give him any pressure.
Bringing up the issue which he did not dare to raise again was my way of offering him happiness and releasing him from the shackles of misery.
I want you to be happy.
While i do hope that our paths would cross one day, i wish him the best in the days to come.
May we grow, live and meet as happy persons again.
with fuller experiences and goals in life.
I love you. ...
Good luck.

Posted by dew at 4:55 PM