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October 20, 2007
trapped within the four walls, she screamed for the conscious mind desperately. 'get me out of here.. please.. rationality.' 'keep the senses in control.' 'there is no peace within an unrest soul; and without peace, there is no happiness.' having little understanding of the source of unrest, frustration grew. 'perhaps, with isolation, the people around me will be spared from the agony of putting up with my nonsense,' she thought. the effectiveness of the measure was unknown.. ..but she was certain that she did not want to be the second person to go cranky after her. watching her, she resonated the hideousness of moodswings. 'i dont want to walk down the same path.' how true they are. "When we commit to action, to actually doing something rather than feeling trapped by events, the stress in our life becomes manageable." "When we change our perception we gain control." “The perfect no-stress environment is the grave." while she sought happiness and attempted to make herself cheery, she was a captive of her own thoughts. visualising the smiles that cuddly soft toys would bring her, she bought russ. it was an impulse purchase, she admitted. 'but russ would be a delightful sight! nothing beats a smile!' make someone happy, the tag wrote. 'you will make me happy, will you?' *hugs*  however, russ didnt look as happy as she has imagined when she got home. 'why are you upset, russ? why... ?' she broke down and teared. she knew very well what was happening. her needs were perceived. 'i need something to cheer me up.. a soft toy would do the job.. i need to get out of the house.. away from the heaps of work. i need to shop! ..everyone else could do whatever they want to. i want to do that too. that is freedom. that is heaven.. i am in hell!' while she knew that these were never going to work for they were never the root of the issue, she made desperate attempts to deceive herself. what a pathetic worm. as she sat in for her morning lesson, she laughed briefly as the tutor lectured on the topic of conflict. 'there are many levels of conflict and intra-individual conflict is a very real issue.. frustration occurs when he/she is unable to satisfy his/her need.. ...' how ironic. 'a customised analysis of myself. ha. how apt.' snap out of it! 'regain control, change your perceptions!' the conscious mind warns. Posted by dew at |
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