Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles

2009-05-02T23:26:00.003+08:00

~the simplest weekend~

it has been seven months since i have last penned..
and you have given me the motivation to do it again..

it has never felt so close to heart ever..
we were browsing through the shop and the idea slowly developed..
it wasnt purposeful but it took form somehow..
from the options of having a mini pc or a laptop to a cordless phone system.. a tv..
'..alright, we shall have a cordless phone system with 2 handsets and a 37 inch tv...' you concluded.
i held my tongue and attempted to conceal any traces of agreement.
by now, you could have very well guessed that i wasnt going to be successful in any way..
i beamed, of course, but shugged off the idea with some passing remarks that i cannot remember.
it was very random.. but i was moved.. and captivated by your words.
you have created something tangible out of an idea that seemed so distant and foreign.
perhaps it hasnt cross my mind as to when it can and will possibly happen..
until our recent f. assessment, the little episodes that happened.. and this simple weekend 'getaway'.

while i may have previously imagined overseas holidays to top the charts, this is the best weekend i ever had..
the simplest weekend.. the simplest joy..
my best present ever..
thank you so much =)

2008-10-12T21:43:00.004+08:00

some things should be left untouched..
i thought i should say it beforehand if i could see a future in it..
but i was wrong.
lives are lived in many ways.. ..many ways.
we dont get many things done in our way.. and they dont have to be.
accept it and we will feel happier.. a lot happier.

or perhaps, we can lower our expectations, have fewer of them.. have none?
anything that comes beyond the mark may taste sweeter.

2008-06-18T17:52:00.002+08:00

the decision

sometimes, i really wonder if i have made the right decision..if i had made the decision in a haste.. if i had taken it too lightly. if it had been a bad decision, what should i do.
torn i am.
is it true that 'there is also something to learn from everything'?
as an onlooker, i might be nodding my head profusely.. explaining the 'law of things' perhaps.
but at this moment, i am confused.. what am i supposed to do?
the pros and cons of every situation..
do you see any light at the end of the tunnel?
how do you define light?
with different choices, we take different path. would it be difficult to turn back and change direction after that?
would i really be the frog in the pot that gradually get used to the rising temperature?
is it true that i would necessarily be one?
what do i really want to get out of it?
can i get to my destination with this?
i need to talk.
and i am thinking real hard.
i am trying to.

2008-06-16T15:19:00.001+08:00

give it another month and i will reconsider.
sigh. let it be good.

2008-06-02T23:09:00.002+08:00

i ought to be happy!

i really should..received a call this morning that should have made me smile for weeks.
it was what i have been waiting for and i finally got it.
all these search will come to an end. a new beginning.
yes, girl. smile!!

2008-05-07T00:06:00.001+08:00

it sux to fail.
sleep, wake up and try again.

2008-05-06T22:57:00.002+08:00

the same set of notes..the same diagrams..
why do they look so freaking alien to me
i told myself that i wouldnt take mods like that again.
why did i do it?!!?!?!!
i am so tired.

2008-04-28T20:30:00.002+08:00

keeping your cool becomes even more important when you are pressed for time.
do what you need to do.
it's time for damage control.

2008-04-26T21:59:00.002+08:00

i know they were bad.
acknowledge it and move on.
final exams.. and they could really be the very last time.
set your eyes on them and go for them.

2008-04-21T21:11:00.002+08:00

别让美好的事物从身边溜走.

要加油喔!

要相信自己能重新站起来..
建立更扎实的基础..
为未来写出美丽的篇章!

抛开所有的疑惑与自卑感...
填满心中的不足...
改掉那又臭又硬的坏脾气...
...做一个更好的你!

2008-03-24T23:07:00.002+08:00

messed up..

everything is wrong..it's so wrong..what's wrong?!
it's messed up. everything is messed up.
school, emotions, vitamin m..ROOM.. gosh. can i find another word for EVERYTHING?!?!!
i dont like this. totally detest it!!
MAKE THINGS RIGHT!!!
if you think you cant, nobody can help you!!!
I WANT TO DO SOMETHING THAT I AM PROUD OF!!
MUDDLING THROUGH?!?!! I DONT WANT IT!!!!!
so what if things havent been good.. so what is the results sux
TRY AGAIN!!!!!!!
AGAIN!!!
GET UP AND DO IT AGAIN!!!!!

2008-01-20T20:18:00.000+08:00

Reminiscence

2008-01-16T00:27:00.000+08:00

untitled

this going to be a strange post i reckon..
while i am eager to express myself, i am lost for words.

everything has come to light.. and i see a smile on dad's face.
a reassuring smile that puts my mind at ease for a couple of reasons.

i am no longer required to come up with a 'brilliant plan' to break the news anymore!.. and the best of all, the path ahead seems smoother.
i am free from my past!
perhaps, it was purely my personal barrier/perception all these while..
...nonetheless, thank you!

i love you, dad, momo and you too!!

2008-01-01T16:40:00.000+08:00

2008 - the new year countdown

31 dec 07 has been a nice closure and a sweet start for 2008.
for the first time, little things that seem far and illusory became tangible.

introducing my friends to you, "legitimising" the relationship and letting you know more about the people i mix with, have been a wish.. as well as a guilt that i had for the past few months.
somehow, it seems unfair to you to keep it under wraps.. but i am glad i did it (though it was kinda late =P).
the seek for acceptance from my friends towards you have been a longtime yearning of mine.. and the day finally came yesterday.
while the attendance was far from usual, the steamboat we had last night felt like an initiation ceremony.. at least for me.. haha.
(now that i think of it, it should have been the other way round, shouldnt it? hahahaha. =PP)
thank you for attending it with me!

somehow, the fireworks display looks exceptionally pretty this year. hehe.
.. and i love the miniature version that we had for ourselves at east coast park!
.. while it was something that i thought would only appear in tv dramas, it was really sweet nonetheless. i love every bit of it. *hugs*
dreamy and "sugary".. coated with toffee, caramel, syrup.. everything!

2008, a better year ahead.

2007-12-30T23:40:00.001+08:00

how do we define ourselves?
.. by our achievements?
should we fail in any way, have we failed as a person?
what is the most important thing about ourselves?

the society can never be a true measure of our worth, can it?
what is the true measure anyway.

2007-12-30T22:47:00.000+08:00

于丹<<论语>>

".. 一个人的发展, 最重要的往往不在于终极的理想有多么的高远, 而在于眼前拥有一个什么样的起点. 我们往往不缺乏宏图伟志, 而缺乏通向那个志愿的一步一步积累起来的切实道路."

"理想与行动的关系,就如同引线和风筝的关系. 这个风筝能飞多远, 关键在于你手中的线. 而这条线, 就是你内心的愿望. 你的内心越淡定,越从容, 你就越会舍弃那些激烈, 宏阔,张扬, 外在的形式, 而尊重安静的, 内心的声音..."

..一个人如果没有内心的这种从容和对于自我的把握, 在他的职业的角色中, 只能任职业摆布, 而不会有对这个职业的提升."

我的人生到底要的是什么..
一身忙忙碌碌,寻寻觅觅, 究竟想的是什么..
只为了走那条大家都在走着的道路吗?
何谓精神粮食?
属于我的精神粮食有是什么.

2007-12-26T23:47:00.000+08:00

double bliss

this is probably the best moment thus far.
jia said it is a bliss to have everything shared..
..and i couldnt agree more.
the fantastic piece of news you brought me made my day even better!
had it turned out badly, i wouldnt be this happy with my personal achievement.
it would be illegitimate.. seemingly incorrect to celebrate.
but things have been brilliant!!
simply amazing!!!

i am happy.
VERY HAPPY!
an amplified ecstasy!!!
my best achievement so far!!! x 2!!
it would be better!!...and happier!!
thank you so much!!

2007-12-12T18:51:00.000+08:00

快乐其实很简单.

2007-12-11T22:15:00.000+08:00

making a mountain out a molehill, is your forte.
probably the brain is better off kept away.
your presence is redundant.
leave me alone.

does it matter?
does it not?
or should i say, do they matter?

how much do you know about the future?
uncertainities..
what difference does one or two make?

living today, worrying about tomorrow..
living tomorrow, worrying about the past.
how ridiculous can you get.
ha.

2007-12-01T19:30:00.001+08:00

the pressure is uncalled for.
unlike the others, you had a choice.. and you know that you like it.
savour the moments.
why care about the outcome..
with interest, the rest will follow.
as it comes.

convince yourself.
actions speak louder than words.

2007-12-01T18:45:00.000+08:00

Be miserable.
Or motivate yourself.
Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.

- Wayne Dyer

i will do it.

2007-12-01T14:23:00.000+08:00

the final lap..

next wed.. and that's it.
but for some weird reason, i am feeling totally stressed up.
why why why????!!!!
i have more time and yet, i am even more stressed up by this than the previous one.
something is wrong with this puny brain of yours.
my head aches.
as though the hardware is going to crash any moment.
why cant you give yourself an easier time?
what's wrong with you?
snap out of it.
why harp on the redundants, just keep going.

what will come, will come.
let it come.
a showdown it shall be.
bring it on.

2007-11-08T16:55:00.000+08:00

when words are mere strings of alphabets to you.. what would you do?
why are you staring at them even when your brain has stopped functioning?
she has no answer.
zero words equate to zero effort?
she hates to admit.. yes.
what is wrong with her?
silence.
she wants that answer too.

2007-10-31T18:46:00.000+08:00

their smiles..

sweet and innocent..
remember the times..

when a candy makes you smile..

when you have the luxury of having the whole sky to yourself..

when you pose for the camera during one of those family excursions..

when you mess up mo's kitchen..

when you were so tiny..

when you gave me a big warm hug..

when you celebrated my birthday for me (and cant stop staring at my cake)..

when you had those fluffy things sticking out of your hair and was still very happy about it..

when your room reminds you of your childhood plush toys..

when someone still treats you like a big kid..
(kids' size vitasoy..how cute is that!!)

when you are accompanied by your lovelies to bed..

we seek happiness..
but little do we realise that anxiety drives it even further away from us..
the little happiness in life..
accumulates.

2007-10-20T01:01:00.000+08:00

Enslaved..imprisoned.

trapped within the four walls, she screamed for the conscious mind desperately.
'get me out of here.. please.. rationality.'
'keep the senses in control.'
'there is no peace within an unrest soul; and without peace, there is no happiness.'

having little understanding of the source of unrest, frustration grew.
'perhaps, with isolation, the people around me will be spared from the agony of putting up with my nonsense,' she thought.
the effectiveness of the measure was unknown..
..but she was certain that she did not want to be the second person to go cranky after her.
watching her, she resonated the hideousness of moodswings.
'i dont want to walk down the same path.'

how true they are.
"When we commit to action, to actually doing something rather than feeling trapped by events, the stress in our life becomes manageable."
"When we change our perception we gain control."
“The perfect no-stress environment is the grave."

while she sought happiness and attempted to make herself cheery, she was a captive of her own thoughts.
visualising the smiles that cuddly soft toys would bring her, she bought russ.
it was an impulse purchase, she admitted.
'but russ would be a delightful sight! nothing beats a smile!'
make someone happy, the tag wrote.
'you will make me happy, will you?' *hugs*

however, russ didnt look as happy as she has imagined when she got home.
'why are you upset, russ? why... ?'
she broke down and teared.
she knew very well what was happening.
her needs were perceived.

'i need something to cheer me up.. a soft toy would do the job.. i need to get out of the house.. away from the heaps of work. i need to shop! ..everyone else could do whatever they want to. i want to do that too. that is freedom. that is heaven.. i am in hell!'

while she knew that these were never going to work for they were never the root of the issue, she made desperate attempts to deceive herself.
what a pathetic worm.

as she sat in for her morning lesson, she laughed briefly as the tutor lectured on the topic of conflict.
'there are many levels of conflict and intra-individual conflict is a very real issue.. frustration occurs when he/she is unable to satisfy his/her need.. ...'
how ironic.
'a customised analysis of myself. ha. how apt.'

snap out of it!
'regain control, change your perceptions!' the conscious mind warns.

2007-10-18T00:41:00.000+08:00

to myself

after seeing her personal message '1 board - 5 hours', i felt bad.
i could have been more tolerant and more understanding.
though she can be a bit pushy at times, it is probably understandable.
one who invests time and effort in his/her work will naturally take pride in it.
..regardless how the others see it.

blessed with different capabilities, the time invested and product outcome could be disproportionate.

is it fair to judge?
who am i to judge?
sigh.

i should curb my temper.
..shortfuse.

should i change my perception as well?
the act of 'accepting nothing less than perfect' is tormenting the soul.
shouldn't life be lived and enjoyed?
what is enjoying it?
what does it mean to live life?

hinging happiness on a perfect outcome..
how does it sound?
happy?..for reaping the fruits of your labour.
depressing? ..for life is never perfect.

life is a matter of choices.
it really is.
having the best of both worlds...
is a mere utopia.

2007-10-11T16:47:00.000+08:00

wheeeeeee!!!!! I am SO happy!
omg, I am on cloud no. 9!!
I am so free! can you tell??!

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!
fucked up!

why do you think that i am very free just becos' someone else is free?!
why do you like to make things sound so damn freaking easy and give me the weird 'really need so long' look??!?!!!!!!!
AND
best of all,
why did i even let you affect me?!?!
why do i even let you make me feel so small and useless!?!?!

wake up that idea!!!
the mood is taking a rollercoaster ride!
woohoooo!OOO!!!

go and die!

let's look at this.

21 September - Changing Landscapes of Singapore Exercise Submission
24 September - Practice and Research Project Submission
01 October - Changing Landscapes Test
08 October - Cities in Transition Test
15 October - Behavioural Studies Project Submission
18 October - Behavioural Studies Project Presentation
19 October - Human Resource Management Presentation
23 October - Cities in Transition Project Submission & Presentation
26 October - Human Resource Management Report
29 October - Changing Landscapes Project Submission

and that actually excludes the test and project submission due in november, the super long project discussions and my dissertation work which i am supposed to be doing?! (yah right.. dont even have time to sleep! do what shit. oh yes, i am a slow worker. i forgot all about it. i deserved it. so sorry about it. %#%^*I@*&$@*# )
to think that i have actually told my supervisor that i will get my chapter 1 all done up with research questions prepared by 29 October (after dragging my chapter 1 submission since mid september).
i am digging my own grave.

if they are too little, tell me know.
a useless person shouldnt be depriving the oxygen intake from another newborn.

2007-10-06T22:12:00.000+08:00

In times of trial..

'..do you know who we are praying to in front of the clay figure?'...
'..the greater one in ourselves..'

..overheard this when i was eating in the living room this morning.
dad was watching this chinese historical based drama about kangxi emperor and that was part of the conversation between the emperor and his assistant.

i know little if not nothing of any religious teachings.
however, i do agree with that on a personal note.
i might be cynical in rejecting the existence of greater beings..
perhaps, i am only selecting statements and ideas that reinforce my perception.
but what difference does it make?
ultimately, we cannot be relying on someone else all the while, can we?

we pray for strength to overcome our fears..but what is fear?
why are there self improvement courses?
what is the difference between one who is confident and one who is not?
what makes us confident?
what gives us strength?
what is a belief?

John Milton:
The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven

Vita Sackville-West:
I worshipped dead men for their strength,
forgetting I was strong.

Victor Hugo:
People do not lack strength, they lack will.

Audre Lorde:
When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.

stress will be or rather, is a common word for this semester and the next.
in fact, it has always existed.
albeit, the following holds true.
the power of the mind..perception.
if i have conceded mentally, what battle is left for me to fight?

Harvey Cushing:
The capacity of man himself is only revealed when, under stress and responsibility, he breaks through his educational shell, and he may then be a splendid surprise to himself no less than to this teachers.

Arnold Schwarzenegger:
Training gives us an outlet for suppressed energies created by stress and thus tone the spirit just as exercise conditions the body.

2007-09-29T19:26:00.000+08:00

捧在手心里的拇指姑娘..
甜甜暖暖的.

2007-09-26T23:17:00.000+08:00

shut your trap!

what's your problem?!!! why cant you just control that temper of yours???
why has it become worse after you came back???!!!
the sudden outbursts!
WAKE UP!!!!!!!

get hold of yourself please.
the extreme anger and sadness kill!!
just do what you need to do and stop thinking.
just do.
withdraw from the mess and stop your nonsense.
please... please.

..i am sorry..

2007-09-11T00:20:00.000+08:00

New addition to the family!

miss sunflower! hoho.
why are you hiding there eeyore? shy? hehe.

2007-09-09T04:51:00.000+08:00

untitled.

words hold no meaning unless they are interpreted.
the unsaid hold no meaning unless they are put in context.
the heard and seen can command great powers in influencing the minds of the receivers.
but the unsaid is equally formidable in providing a subtext.

facts and figures hold no meaning for the receiver who has no intentions of appropriating them.
the actions of the communicator, however, is suggestive and at times, highly misconstrued.

perhaps, time as been the limiting factor in realising an decent foundation of trust.
the receiver asks no further than what is said.
the seek for sincerity outweighs any desire for details.

2007-09-09T02:10:00.000+08:00

a rat's tale..

after months of anticipation since i first caught its trailer in may at the auckland's cinemas, i finally get to watch ratatouille on friday night! as much as the laughter and amusement brought about by the antics of the little rats, it was also equally enlightening. 2 sections of the film in particular, left a deep impression on me as i relate the dialogues to my experiences.

[1st section: django showing remy to the exterminator shop with the dead rats in the window (Paris)]

Django: The world we live in belongs to the enemy, we must live carefully. We look out for our own kind, Remy. When all is said and done, we're all we've got.
[Django starts to walk away]
Remy: [defiantly] No. Dad, I don't believe it. You're telling me that the future is - can only be - more of this?
Django: This is the way things are; you can't change nature.
Remy: Change is nature, Dad. The part that we can influence. And it starts when we decide.
Django: [Remy turns to leave] Where are you going?
Remy: With luck, forward.

change is nature. how true it is.
it was only several weeks back that i read about it from you... and just how that persuaded and provided comfort for this tiny soul.
with the best in life, comes the worst. it is an equivalent trade that we have to accept.
but what makes it uplifting and hopeful is the power to influence and change when we put our minds to it.
as far as time is unable to standstill at the happiest moments of our life, it is impossible that we will be stuck in the depths of despair forever.
we move and change with time.
with luck, forward.

[2nd section: the food critic article by anton]

Anton Ego: In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face is that, in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the new. Last night, I experienced something new, an extraordinary meal from a singularly unexpected source. To say that both the meal and its maker have challenged my preconceptions is a gross understatement. They have rocked me to my core. In the past, I have made no secret of my disdain for Chef Gusteau's famous motto: Anyone can cook. But I realize that only now do I truly understand what he meant. Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere. It is difficult to imagine more humble origins than those of the genius now cooking at Gusteau's, who is, in this critic's opinion, nothing less than the finest chef in France. I will be returning to Gusteau's soon, hungry for more.

perhaps, we may not be the material for great things.
perhaps, taking the first step may not make us any better..
..but stay-put is definitely not going to.

many a times, we criticise without considering the efforts of the other party..
alright, 'we' is a disguise. the more accurate term ought to be 'i'.
sigh.
i will take note of that. (though some idiots really deserve to be gunned down. oh well, such hated people are typically the enemies of many as well. hence, they probably wouldnt survive long enough to attend my next round of live firing too. save me the trouble and less sins for me! hohoho. thanx allies!)
more constructive comments and encouragement.. more generous with compliments.
less criticisms that dampen motivation.

on a more serious note, how many a times do we truly appreciate and understand the value of the criticised against that of the criticism?
while i am glad that remy's hard work, determination and talent were recognised by the picky and scornful anton, it was saddening as anton wrote his critics about remy and the gusteau.
how does it feel for someone armed with authority and as haughty as anton to bow to the perceptions that he has always thought little of? how much courage is necessary in exchange for his pride? and how many of us are able to accept it with utmost sincerity?

additional quote:

Remy: I just lost my family... all my friends... probably forever.
Gusteau: How do you know?
Remy: Well, I... I... You are an illustration, why am I talking to you?
Gusteau: Oh... you just lost your family... all your friends... you are lonely.
Remy: Yeah, well, you're dead!
Gusteau: Ahh, but that is no match for wishful thinking! If you're focused on what you've left behind, you will not be able to see what lies ahed. Now go up, and look around!

2007-08-28T23:48:00.000+08:00

不知曾几何时,那儿个答案再也不重要了.

2007-08-22T01:15:00.000+08:00

2007-08-10T21:45:00.000+08:00

To you..

my gratitude..
for having you by my side.
my apologies..
for making you worry all these while.

fears, impermanence..
the imagined future..
living the present, you say..
i will.

the power of the mind.
the power of self.
focus and imagine.

your mind creates reality.

xxx

be thankful that nothing is permanent.
..that it bestows the opportunity to change and create.
..that efforts would pay off someday.
..that dreams can become actuality.

2007-08-10T19:44:00.000+08:00

newton's third law..

for every action force, there is an equal (in size) and opposite (in direction) reaction force..
forces always come in pairs - known as "action-reaction force pairs."
..
it applies everywhere, doesnt it?
living and non-living things..
person to person..
..the response to our actions..

no doubt, not everything is consequential of the single thing that we did..
and equivalence is almost non-existent..
but more often than not, it takes two hands to clap.
interpersonal communication..public relations..emotional intelligence quotient..
delicate, tricky, complex..
baffling..

a review on our actions.. an insight to the outcome thus far.

intention versus action..

action..
is..
an expression of intent..
a manifestation of emotions..
is..
an impression.

an inconsistency in intention and action..
a distorted representation..
a fallacious tale.

2007-08-06T11:27:00.000+08:00

another test for me?!?!!

staff movement?!?!
of all people!!!!
why you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
freak!!!!!!!!
this is a joke!
ridiculous!
i simply hate you to the core!

heck it.
i will give you what you want.
at any expense.

2007-07-29T19:33:00.000+08:00

in or out..
...your pick.

it is a state of mind.

2007-07-29T15:01:00.000+08:00

this is only the beginning..

it never cease, does it?
one after another..
the opening of the floodgates.

be responsible for the consequences of your actions..
..take calculated risks, and so they say.
i did my sums..weighed the pros and cons.
nevertheless..
it was nothing but a miscalculation.
a total blunder.

it could have been avoided.
i could have..

everything came to a standstill.
motionless.
my total devotion in the past 5 months was purely to avoid this predicament.
..
it just has to happen, isnt it..
just to make me fully understand and accept the reasonings of the murphy's law..
anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

..
could it be a better route?
could it?
what can you do besides accepting and shouldering the consequences..
none.
make the best out it.. i know..
but knowing and doing are separate matters.
..give me some time.

2007-07-26T16:15:00.000+08:00

..

when will things get better?
when will they be able to move because they want to and not have to?
it is no big deal really.
how does a mere husk matter?
...
it was the idea of it.
being driven to the corner and unable to redeem themselves.
...

the last lap..
everything adds up.
undue pressure perhaps.. but she cant brush it off in any way that she can think of.
regardless whatever that has happened before, this is going to be a race against herself.
insecurity renders the need for her to prove her ability to herself.
how silly is that.
how silly.
why is this starting all over again?
or probably, it has never ended all this while.
the thirst to grasp hold of the final outcome kills.
circulating in a vicious cycle, it has gotten the better of her.
suffocating the soul and her remains.

deep down, she knew this would happen when she returns, does she?
..her solemnness and bewilderedness before she departed.

how are these going to help.. no.
a fool, she is.
and a mule too.

2007-07-22T12:55:00.000+08:00

Last..

the last night in auckland..
instead of wanting to squeeze in more activities to maximise my last hours in a season which i will probably not experience in a fairly long while, i am doing nothing.
feeling dead and down, i am hiding in chien's room..spending time at the comp, looking through my luggage.
i intended to do my last walk by the bay and visit the auckland art museum but i have given up.
returning from yum cha with chien, marilee and jenny after my visit to devonport in the morning, life has been drained out of me.
what am i upset about?
i have no idea.
sad about leaving the place? putting behind the current lifestyle i am leading? not being able to see my friends again?
what is it?
i just cant point it out.
i will miss you jenny.
miss the hills and slopes i am seeing.
miss the strong chilly winds and thick jackets that i have to put on.
i am returning home..to somewhere i am familiar with.
but what will be installed for me..
back to a normal life?
i would hate to feel that way.
to a more fulfilling life it is.
more challenges ahead.
a tougher cookie.

2007-07-11T16:37:00.000+08:00

different..

as the plane touches down, things have become seemingly different..
i am back in auckland in a different persona..
as a tourist instead of a student..

as a squatter instead of the resident of IH..

just 4 months back, this girl was eagerly awaiting a brand new start in the land of cows and sheeps.
envisioning a change.. the beginning of a new chapter.
despite trodding along the same path, emotions have changed.

this sense of familarity is strangely detached.

everything here no longer 'belong' to me.

it is all cloudy today.

a gloomy weather that adds to the icy cold atmosphere.

after one full cycle of studying and touring, my term has come to an closure.
with all my modules cleared and decent grades obtained, i can finally account to my dear financiers and the department.

as i heave a sigh of relief, sadness loom.

i will be leaving this place in a couple of days.

as much as i would love to see all my darlings back home, it is depressing to know that this is soon becoming history.

as much as i complain throughout the semester, i like to be here.
not for the place but the way i have to fend for myself.
living in an unrestrained yet responsible manner.
accounting to yourself and nobody else.
being put in a new environment, adaptability says it all.
yes. learning to learn.
it is definitely nothing new but it hits you faster and harder when you are on your own.
i can whine and cry but i will find my way out.
i can be a wuss but i am no quitter.

2007-06-22T04:16:00.000+08:00

no more of 'i wanted to..'
it will be 'i did..'
the last rays before my release.
so close..
i can smell it.
COME'ON!

2007-06-20T09:55:00.000+08:00

!!!!!
i found a development question that repeats every year!!!
he only changes the figures!!
that's mine!

a break from environmental planning..
development time!
2 hours to nail that question!
12.5 marks. one out of seven/eight questions.
great!
little time left.
and that means that i gotta pick and focus!!

come on!!!

2007-06-19T13:25:00.001+08:00

arghhhhhh

2007-06-18T09:32:00.001+08:00

choo choo!! boom boom boom!! choo choo!!
watch how the engine moves..

do do do!!!
you are a pig if you dont!
i dont want!!!
so i DO!!!
*dont think. just dO!!!!!!*

last lap!!
no way am i going to give up!
SLEEP BUGS GO AWAY!!!!
SHOOO~~!!!

你敢放弃?! 我看不起你, miss chen!!

2007-06-16T15:03:00.000+08:00

Tagged!!

These are the rules: Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog!

oh man..stupid yang..why did u tag me!?! hahah!! now i hafta crack my brain! (though it has cracks to begin with. wahahah!!)

me weird..

SEP discovery..
1) i sleep talk quite a bit.. and they are mostly about food. =X
2) i dont like to bathe but i like to be clean? (contradicting!!)
the knowns..
3) i can lie on my bed even when i am dirty (though i try not to and with a towel laid over it if i do) but others cannot do that to my bed unless i am agreeable to it.
4) i cannot endure girls who are overly feminine (behaviour-wise i mean. coming from a girl - as stated in my birth certificate. hahaha!!). AND, pretending to be one makes it worse.
5) i rather walk than wait for a bus if i can get to it in not more than an hour.
6) my dad cannot tolerate my messiness. i cannot stand others' messiness (beyond a certain threshold that is) but i can accept my own. (how about that? hahaha) (dad always say i aint fit to be a girl with a room like that. wahahah!!)

does this fit my monster image better, hunnie?
hohohoho!

Your turn!

hunnie
da
moses
hongkai
andrew
xuan

sorry guys..this is pure bad luck for you. your friend here doesnt have many people to tag!
and ron, you are spared just because i know you have been tagged before!
hahaha!

2007-06-13T16:36:00.000+08:00

goodness gracious!!!!

how dumb and blur can i get?!!!?!!
for the past three days, i have been living in a world of my own!
i kept thinking that my third and forth paper are going to be on the next next week!
your beloved took her own sweet time to do things..or rather, did nothing.
'so when's your last paper?'
'20th..next wednesday'
'what?!!! 20th is on the coming wednesday??? not the next next??'
'yah.'
'shit!!! i kept thinking that it's the next next!!!!!'
'oh my god. i havent started on them yet! and i havent even finish my fri's! damn. i am off.'
give you a slap to wake you up man!!!
what were you thinking?!?!!!!
sigh.
and you even dare to tell jenny that you can take a day off during your weekend!
you shall wait.
wait long long!!

so the first thing that i did when i feel the pressure? i went up to my room and grabbed more food to the accompany me through my study.
freak!
what number did you see on the scale yesterday?!?! the number was horrendous!! i havent seen that since jc!!! omg!!!
damn it.
stop it!!!!

better still.
i realised that i cannot take dark chocolate that contains 72% cocoa but i continued taking it!!! (normal cadbury only has 27%..shucks)
result? headaches.
and what do i do when i get them?
panadol.
crap!

you will die of fats (due to overeating), heart problem (from stress) and organ failure (due to excess dosage of panadol).
good luck to you, pathetic soul.

2007-06-12T11:18:00.000+08:00

delayed - Part 1

*a walk to parnell*
spending time with yourself. bliss.

the auckland domain - the park where i do my usual run.

the auckland musuem.

isnt the weather wonderful..

and there we are. parnell..where victorian houses line the left side of the street.

the little alleys filled with restaurants and cafes. interesting.

the popular chocolate boutique.
frontage.

mexican denso. thick drinking chocolate with a tinge of spices. *melts*
that is part of the reason why all the excess is building up. sigh.

look at that!!!

it is so embarassing to be taking snapshots of yourself in a store with two other shop attendants. =X
oh well. i did it.

*IH's formal dinner*
this marks the end of the semester.
a closure that i will miss.

bin and mandy (taiwanese)

more of us. drank with an empty stomach that evening..and so, the nonsensical pictures. haha.

picture with marilee (malaysian, petite and adorable).

from left: jacky(hong kong), bin, pravina, marilee, chien (malaysians)

from top left: mandy, bin, marilee, sylvia (china)

hehe. jenny and amy.

from left: sarah (US), kate (UK), bin, sarah (germany)

jenny!

2007-06-10T23:16:00.000+08:00

verbal diarrhoea. dont bother.

first paper..scared..
planning and governance..

dualism - public vs private..ethics vs policy..public policy as a product of public ethics..
public ethics as a branch out from normative ethics..looking at how things should be done than what ought to be done..
3 parts to normative ethics - deontological and teleological (action based theories of morality) and virtue based ethical theories.
deontological ethics - judge morality based on how well the set of rules are followed
teleontological ethics - actions judged morally upon the consequences of the actions; John Stuart Mill - concept of harm, Jeremy Bentham - greatest happiness of the greatest number; similar to utilitarianism. while utilitarians weigh costs and benefits, teleological ethics look at a certain 'end'

2 models of democracy - representative and participatory model
strengths and weaknesses.
populist approach as the primary shortcoming of participatory democracy.
representative model criticised to have too much centralised power. it is however, a better model in view of the diverse and pluralistic society.
hence, the positive traits of participatory democracy can be incorporated into representative democracy through the principles of personalism, subsidiarity, pluralism and the application of Berger's postulate of ignorance, calculus of pain and calculus of meaning.
this would provide a better way of answering questions about governance, consultation and public participation.

as we examine policies and plans, it is important to examine the underlying assumptions and expectations to critically assess and understand the existing standpoint or biasness of the policy maker(if any).
an example would that of Arnstein's ladder of participation. ranging from tokenism to delegation, the 8 levels of participation are formulated based on the model of participatory democracy which sees effective participation as effective control.
..
sins of omission is almost equivalent to concept of indifference..
dennis ford's framework to integrate morality - experience, framework of interpretation (stories, traditions as a reference for interpretation) and power embodiment.
tradition and politics are different sides of the same coin.
governance and consultation are same sides of the same coin..to be done hand in hand.

sigh..there are so much more.
i do remember some.
but applying it in the new zealand context..
i only know that much.

2007-06-10T09:15:00.000+08:00

Teleology

Nature adapts the organ to the function, and not the function to the organ

– Aristotle, De Partibus Animalium (On the Parts of Animals)

2007-06-09T17:54:00.001+08:00

choice - spectator or actor

..if seeing, acknowledging and doing are the three essential elements in moral commitment, their absence may be linked with indifference.
..the sense of powerlessness leads to indifference, for it submerges the belief that power is also relative.
..words must be accompanied by deeds.
..traditional ethics and politics have been seen as different sides of the same coin.
..politics is the act of the possible.
- Bruce Hucker, Church as a bystander

politics it will be.
actor.
it is possible.

2007-06-09T17:23:00.000+08:00

stand up to your own fears.
now or never.

2007-05-29T23:31:00.000+08:00

2007-05-29T19:22:00.000+08:00

if they have been slogging for two years, why cant i?
if they are still doing that despite seeing a mere faint and distant light at the end of the tunnel, how can i give up?
they gave me what they had to be here.
i will not leave empty-handed.
mark my words.

2007-05-29T14:53:00.000+08:00

freak.
i am so freaking angry.
instead of blowing up your ears, i should just scream here.

case 1: environmental planning
"i see that you are very clever in bringing together the vast array of information..but i see little appreciation of the information..the wairau stream that you have discussed is out of your catchment"
fuck you. really.
how on earth would i know that the information that i have found is for the tributaries of that fucking stream which extend out of my catchment.
you really think i live here?!?!!!!!!
be thankfully that i even went all out to find the freaking information for that idiotic catchment!!!!!
fine me for extending my limbs out of the boundary when i dont even know where the hell the bloody line is!
and guess what. it is geog.
i love it.
ask me, hitler rules.
you kill, you die.
and that is it.

case 2: development
'sir, didnt you say that we dont have to calculate for sensitivity analysis during your lecture?'
'why would i say that?'
'but that's what you said'
'out of the whole cohort, there is probably only two who didnt calculate. anyway, it doesnt matter too much as well. it doesnt make much of a difference when we are calculating the marks. how much did you get?'
'45'
'so you are upset about your results?'
'yes.'
'you can come and see me after the lecture on friday.'
fuck.
i want to slap myself.
you said it and you asked me why would you say that.
you know how it feels when your lips tremble uncontrollably in anger.
slap me.
really. come.
for once, you can slap me for all you want.
as much as i hate to say this.
you win.

2007-05-29T14:23:00.000+08:00

fucked up

two c- and one fail.
great.
was i sleeping through my reports?! fuck.
what was all the stress for.. oh yes. it was fun.
all for the purpose of amusement and getting hyped up for the moment.
i cant believe how much delight i have gotten out of this.
this is a joke.
how hilarious.
arent you tickled? you are, arent u.
i am amused. so will you.
oh! didnt you say it is the process that matter?
oh yea. i had a hell of a time. it was fun!
not convinced?
you have to!!!
ohhh..please do!!!!!

FUCK!!!!
who cares a hoot about the process!!
read my lips.
FUCK OFF!!!
this is not fated or whatsoever.
I AM NOT PLEASED WITH THIS OUTCOME.
in fact, I HATE IT!!!!
I AM CHANGING THIS!!!
destiny? SCRAM.
i am clearing all of them with results that i will be satisfied with.
I AM NOT GOING TO LET HISTORY REPEAT ITSELF.
instead of pointing fingers and finding reasons for them, i will see that something is done.
i am a loser where all emotions are involved.
BUT I AM NOT GOING TO LOSE THIS BATTLE.
WITH WHATEVER I HAVE, YOU WATCH OUT.
SCREW YOU.

2007-05-27T19:14:00.000+08:00

conflicted..

is it easier to trod on the same path after the first?
does it apply to everything?
the shorter return route from parnell triggered a series of thoughts and memories..
how has it been?
despite the physical distance all this while, has anything changed?
i have made myself the prisoner of the one-man cell that i have constructed.
trapped within the four brickwalls.
by the bricks that i have laid piece by piece.
how long do i want to be in this.
it comes back.
imagine the gasps for air as you tear when you run.
it was and is suffocating.
literally and metaphorically.

it was absolutely random.. was it?
i was thinking of the gifts to get for everyone and the question of getting you one surfaced.
should i? how to?
i knew what i would get for you the very moment i applied for sep in auckland.
but things have changed and it has became a matter of should or should not.
if i did, how am i supposed to pass it to you?
what kind of facade should i put on?
pretend that i have gotten over everything and act friendly?
or pour out every single thing that went through my mind.
i recalled the plot that i told sam about.
all the pretence in hope for something else.
scheming.
silly.

receiving another rejection is the last thing i want.
why would you want to put yourself in that vulnerable state again?
i dont have an answer for that.
i want an answer myself. or do i have the answer in the first place?
why would i want to do that.
why.

if i have a chance to choose what i want to do with memories, what would i do?
erase them? no.
i treasure it and i am thankful that you were part of this.
but it is painful.. too painful.
please freeze it and safekeep it in a chest.
i will savour every bit of it years down the road.
not now.
i just to be happy.
like an innocent child...

sitting on the merry-go-round and doing a pan-kiss every time i see momo.

chuckling at the little actions that momo does.
.. the simple pleasures.

bent on finding the 6km mark during my run this afternoon, i went further than usual only to find that it was less than 10 metres from where i stopped the previous time.
the end was so near but it seemed so far back then.
had i not continued running, i would never know how close i was to the end that i was looking for.

am i next to the exit?
or am i walking around in circles, groping in the dark?
numbed, i ran on another 1 km to mission bay.
how far can i push myself?
what is all these imprisonment about?
one fine morning, i will to wake up to find all shackles gone.
released.
when will that be?

2007-05-22T05:49:00.000+08:00

Believe in the brand.

it only dawned on me last night..no..just now at 4ish am that my approach was wrong..
submission is at 4pm tomorrow..
3000 words, 60 percent, a critique on 2 planning policies..
examine critically...
right.
i should be thankful that i kinda finally understood what the question was asking for before i went on further.
BUT, i am only at the very initial stage of the essay.
...

alright..
let's try this slippery slope theory.
nus is known to be good, in asia at least.
so the students that it takes in ought to be of a fairly desirable standard as well.
since i am a sep student FROM nus, i SHOULD be equipped with a critical mind that sees and analyses things pretty well.
so in the next 29 hours, i am swearing by the nus brand.

do not doubt the possibility of students forgoing harvard for the entry into nus.
the advertisement could very well be real!

now we see how faith works.. out of desperation.

the mere 2 hours of sleep from monday to wednesday will be all worthwhile.
superwoman i will be.

believe that it can be done.
nothing less.

2007-05-21T11:48:00.000+08:00

If i were a guy...

..i would be the most fickle minded guy ever.
spoiled for choice!!
just look at all my girl friends and you will know!
feminine ones.. hmm..are there?
alright! jia and ning..i give it to you! siew, you dont have to act. you were never in the league. wahahah!!
anyway, the overly feminine ones give me shudders as well. oops.

then there are many of the wacky and crazy ones!!
in fact, all of them are a little mad to some extent..only that some are more serious than the others! wahahaha!!!
and i definitely have the very blur ones!
jin and jia, you dont have to hide! there are only the two of you. hahaha!! *muacks* (ning, han and celeste can be quite blur at times too..hehe)

like spicy food? i have shi too! hehe. dont mess with my darling eh. let me warn you, my ting is also damn fierce. not to forget, my jenny over in auckland!
brainy and efficient girls? yes! siew, you are here! hunnie too! not to forget my dear jenny and ting!
sweet, cheerful and bubbly ones? i have many!!
decisive dearies? shi, ting and siew!
to avoid disappointment, less intellectual and wimpy guys need not apply.
hahaha!!!!

gosh.
aint i overwhelmed by all the available choices?
hmm.. but did i say if i WERE a guy?
sigh.
what a waste.
oh well..then i should be thankful that i am girl!
since they will love me besides their beloved, that effectively makes me the next closest in the line!!
arent you jealous?!!
sorry guys.

**i recognise my bull power..hahaha..stress induced**

2007-05-20T17:09:00.000+08:00

雨天

听着这首歌曲, 大伙儿一起玩闹的点点滴滴都不惊异地被钩起.
开心, 辛苦, 心酸的日子..
上学期的酸甜苦辣都历历在目.
拿着麦克风, 你似超级市场的销售员不停地叫卖.
'来啊,来啊. aunty,要不要试看我们最新推出的的拖把?'
说着说着,站在一旁的三八绣便会不由自主地摇起她的那扫把头,惹得大伙儿捧腹大笑.
在空荡荡的LT里, 大家都闹成了一疑团.
本以为神不知鬼不觉, IT Technician却含着淡淡的微笑穿过LT走到后面的男厕.
哦, 被发现了! office里有survelliance camera!!
要不然technician哪能在没人传召的情况下预知机器出了状况?! (dont tell me you dont know)
哈哈哈!
虽是不好意思,大家都装着一副若无其事的模样.
没关系.. ..继续玩!
哈哈哈哈..笨死了!!!
这根本就是笨到了级点但..它却是多么美好的回忆.
尽管有多忙碌,好朋友却不忘忙里偷闲, 苦中做乐..
我好想你们喔!!!!!
好想好想!!!!

雨天是伤感的..
是回忆的温床..
i miss you darlings.

2007-05-19T07:08:00.000+08:00

when things go awry..there is no end to it!!!

freak. i am super angry. turned in with all the pent-up nonsense and the mosquito had to disturb me the moment i snuggled into bed. the blanket had me covered all the way up to my mouth and it senselessly bit it?!!!!! I HAVE SWOLLEN LOWER LIP!!!!!!! YOU YOU YOU!!! YOU WERE DISTURBING MY SLEEP!!! flying and buzzing around my ears! I COULD HEAR YOU!!!!!! and of all places, WHY MY LIPS!!!!!!!!
WHAT IS WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
got off the wrong side of the bed?!! NO!!! i only have ONE SIDE to get off from!!!!
i actually intentionally slapped myself real hard on the face in my attempts to exterminate you!!! you were flying THAT close to my face?! !!!! i was desperate. and i still am.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the rational side of me is watching how the strung up gets into those crazy acts and lunatic moves..hollering, growling and bawling away..
i hate reports!!!!!
gggggrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!
do not mess with the strained ass over here.
she will remain quiet..very very quiet. sshhh.
harass her and you DIE.

2007-05-13T12:26:00.001+08:00

NEVER SAY DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENERGISER BUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!

BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-05-12T19:58:00.000+08:00

please..i beg you..

please stop bingeing.. please stop..i beg you..
you are way too full to eat anymore.
stop.. please.
this is not going to help.
you are feeling sick.
stop this..

2007-05-12T13:05:00.000+08:00

Karma..

damn..i really shouldnt lie and talk bad about people. retribution. i never fail to get it. i realised that i have lost my student id card an hour ago..just when i need it the most (to borrow tonnes of library books for my reports). no doubt the librarian, simon, was kind enough to make an exception for me to borrow without an id card since the architecture library wouldnt be opened tomorrow, it is depressing to have missing belonging and to pay for your carelessness monetarily. what's more inconvenience.

so much for the cock and bull story that we made up to delay our presentation date for development. the lecturer announced the presentation date yesterday and my group was allocated to present on this coming tuesday on the analysis of a recently completed building. given the short notice, the deadlines we had and the test on monday for the other two group members, they decided to do it. damn, how confident and firm i was as i tried to convince the lecturer when he queried on our honesty after another member told him our excuse.
'is this bona fide?' he asked.
'yes. definitely..blah blah..' i said with a straight face.

so yes, this is the retribution for telling a lie without even batting.
too bad for you.
say some more and let's watch how you die.

sorry mr lim. i shouldnt laugh at your potato physique. but i still dont like you.

2007-05-12T07:48:00.000+08:00

Disgusting!! Yoooooo yoooooooooo....!!!!

i almost forgot about this. lemme see. this person yeow heng lim tried to add me on friendster and i was puzzled. who the hell is he. so i clicked on the email notification and OH MY GOD!!! it's HIM!! MR POTATO from SA!!! what yeow heng lim. LIM YEOW HENG!!! the short and stout (excluding the strong component) physics teacher who insists on wearing SUPER tight fitting pants despite his freaking big and round ass!!! his pants always look as though it is going to burst any minute!

i will never forget you mr lim. you are such an ASS. oh, let me introduce. he is the shortest physics teacher in sa who thinks he is damn fit (alright, you are quite fit) and ran in his GARFIELD tee shirt from his house to temasek polytechnic when we were there for a hockey training (he was our hockey teacher-in-charge). *zzz* i supposed he is in his thirties? and he is oh my, damn encouraging.

'i heard from mr lee (my physics teacher) that two you are going to fail your physics..hahahaha'

oh yea man. that is SOOOO funny. only to you mister. you were laughing throughout the conversation with me and jin at how dead we were instead of offering any REAL help for our physics. damn it. you potato man! how dare you come and add me on friendster! now that we are out of sa, come'on jin, let's whack his ass!!!
*ANGRY*

i have never seen anyone like you!

2007-05-12T06:10:00.000+08:00

Graduation

little did i expect it to be the University of Auckland Graduation Gala Concert & Competition, i attended it anyway to give support to our dear sarah f. (who will be playing her french horn). watching the procession winding its way through queens street as graduates parade in their colourful academic dress throughout the week, the emphasis and importance placed on the event are evident. while i found academic dresses with white furry hood silly looking on guys, i was envious and amazed nonetheless. astounded at the extent of elaboration and envious of their release from the sea of reports. haha. what does nus do during their graduation ceremonies anyway? hmm. if they ever get us to walk around the campus or along the busy roads of Orchard Road, i wonder how many would actually do that under the hot and humid weather conditions. haha. the chancellor would probably sneeze to his deathbed with all the cursing and complaints made behind his back. wahaha.
(**each faculty has a different coloured hood and planning has a green hood!!! it's the green like that of Gryffindor's in harry potter! so pretty!!)

the symphony concert itself was in fact an evening of classical music with a competitive twist as they call it. together with the players from the University's School of Music players and the Auckland Philharmonia Orchestra (APO), the three soloist from the School of Music virtuosos each performed a concerto of 20 minutes. my favourite piece was Tchaikowsky Violin Concerto in D opus 35 (1st movement) by eugene lee (violin, 3rd year bachelor of music, student from south korea). while his facial expressions were peculiar and hilarious to some extent given the frequent twitching of his right eyebrow, he did a beautiful job in his delivery. so needless to say, he was the winner of the day. haha. the weird part of it was that the soloists seemed to know the results of the competition before they got onto the stage. they lined themselves according to the competition outcome instead of their sequence of performance AND there was no trace of exhilaration shown on their faces as the results were announced. so no fun can. hmmm. fake. and oh oh, all three soloists were asians (taiwan, south korea and dont know where)! hmm hmm. oh well. hehe.

the highlight of the night was the CARAMEL FUDGE & WALNUT icecream and WEDGES! wahaha!! it was drizzling when everything ended and nothing beats having an icecream in the cold!! the best part is...the icecream smelled so damn good! thick and gooey caramel fudge in a milder tasting vanilla icecream with savoury walnuts. *awww* the smell of caramel lingered on my lips even after finishing the icecream and my wedges! and of course, to smell it, some skill is involved! hahaha!! pout your lips so that the upper lip touches the nose! hahah!! sorry to say, i was doing that the whole night. awww. so once again, this serves to remind me the reason why i hardly buy lip gloss or lip balm with vanilla or fruity smell. i EAT them. hahah! mama mia~

2007-05-09T15:57:00.000+08:00

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!! (dedicated to my darlings!!)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's from ALL OF YOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
i was screaming for 1 full hour!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
this blur cock forgot her keys when she went out with jenny and she had to go to the office to get the duplicate key from ruben.
'oh, you have a parcel!'
'ah?'
'AHHHHH!!!! MY DARLINGS!!!'

so i dashed back to my room, got my own keys, returned the borrowed key and tada!!!!
hey hunnie..didnt you say it was small and i had to look out for it really carefully?!?!

i had a hard time opening the package. it was so tightly sealed! haha. and this stupid girl was so anxious to open the envelope that she opened the wrong side of it. zzzz.
'why on earth do they want to seal a card so tightly?!..oops..wrong side. damn it. =( 不美了!' (i stuck a scott tape on it. as if it helped. =(( )

the card! ahhhh!!! so cute!!!

this was the first thing that caught my attention when i opened the card. i was all confused.
number 3 was circled and it was written 'papa'.
my daddy??? you got my dad to write on this??!?
but there was another word on it - 'march'. huh? but my dad's is on 3rd dec. huh?

and oh my god!! i saw this!!

ahhhh!!! it's john!!!!! my papa from sde!!!!! YES!! 小牛!! me me!!
i didnt know your birthday is on 3rd march and i never knew your writing looked like that!!!!
looks like siew's!!!! so girlish!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
shocks in 2 consecutive days!!! what happened to all your handwritings?!?!!! your handwritings got me really disoriented for the first 2 minutes! trust me!
wahaha!!!!

i am elated. overjoyed. over the moon! the card from all my darlings!!! *sobsob*

i was making hell lot of noises as i read the card! oh man. i want to hug all of you!!
siew, hunnie, ning, han, xuan, papa!!

and there was more! 1 card, 1 GIFT!!! there is a GIFT!!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

hmmm..okies..why do we need another wrapping after the first? more layers to come????

and then..

OH MY GOD!!!

MORE SHOCK!!!

FREAKING SHOCKED!!! how did you know that i wanted to get a wallet to replace the old one?!?!

then i was pleased. 沾沾自喜!

and i melted. awwwww.

I LURVE YOOOOO DARLINGS!!!
MUACKSSS!!!!! (cannot give you the real one over here..let this virtual muack be a substitute okie? i will make it up to yooo in july!! hoho. but papa need one also ah? hug ok? hehe.)

i miss yooo tooo... =(

2007-05-08T15:49:00.000+08:00

Perk of the DAY!

I HAVE RECEIVED YOUR CAKE!!! wahahah!! so HAPPY! hehe. i was almost dead when i was heading out to submit the damn report that made me go all the way down to the lecturer's commercial office to seek help, stay up till 530 in the morning to hear my lovely cousins partying on my roof and wake up at 10 to wrap up the last but most important portion.
BUT
when i was dragging my feet down the hallway, i saw this pink thing sticking out of the mail slot for surnames starting with C. MINE!!!
wahaha!!
from who?! i couldnt tell from the handwriting. YOU!? wahahaha!!
gosh. your handwriting puts me to shame.
wheeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lalalalala~~~~~ tastes like blackforest cake to me!!! *winks*

hehe. i will be VERY FULL this year! lurve the cake! hehe!!

i definitely feel like this right now..hahhaa!! sweet.

2007-05-06T18:36:00.000+08:00

alright..with me working my ass off in the next few weeks, see me BUTTLESS after the 23rd of may. dooms day is moving in..closer and closer..stealthily..but not that skilfully. i can see you approaching me..DEVOURING me!!!! *CRIES*

this is a nightmare.
or should i say this is only a prelude to year 4...
evil lurks..
beware.

2007-05-04T08:57:00.000+08:00

1st steP!!!!!

SKIING!!! i had my first go at it yesterday!!! it was FABULOUS!!!! *melts* SnowPlanet is an indoor skiing area and it is definitely less overwhelming for a beginner like me.
'wear more thermals!' jenny reminded me. 'it's ONE DEGREE in there!' wheee!!! imagine the puffs of vapour as i speak. hohoho. i was one happy girl!

the exterior

see how that building extends up the slope? hehe.

looking into the skiing grounds from the cafe

starting from basics, the instructor taught us how to control our skis and move around in them without the poles. walking up the slopes sideways and skiing down with our skis wedged.
i was actually quite desperate at the very beginning of it.
i was stranded when we had to follow the instructor up the slopes and i had to wave at the instructor for help. it just didnt work when i tried to move one foot ahead since the other foot would be sliding backwards. one crazy girl right there. wahaha.
then i was crashing into the other beginners in front of me thereafter. my skis were caught in between their legs. faints. i had the worst one when we were up on the slope. i bumped into Holly after i got off the magic carpet (an automatic trailer that brings you up to the top of the gentler slope) and the both of us were moving downwards uncontrollably in a very slow but terrifying fashion. thank goodness we had the instructor right in front of us. else, we would have tumbled down the slope together. hahaha. i was really glad that she didnt gave me the killer stare for putting her in such a predicament. hehe.

'skiing' down the slope on my first try was nerve wrecking! i bent my knees thinking that it would provide me with better balance but crap, it sent me down faster despite doing the wedge which would supposedly bring you to a stop. =~( the thought of coming down the slope for the second time was a chore then. thankfully, the instructor corrected my posture during my second attempt and I FELL IN LOVE WITH IT. gosh.

it was funny how it turned out when my instructor saw me going down the slope as she was coming up on the magic carpet. 'AWESOME!!' she screamed. i flashed her my big wide smile, beaming with joy of course, but only to realise that a skier had fallen not too far ahead of me. i got panicked and all flustered. 'HELP!!' i thought. and jenny's words came ringing in my mind. 'use your toes!! exert pressure on the side that is opposite of where you want to go to'. my, jenny you are a saviour!! muacks!! that's usually how it goes huh. one moment of happiness and one moment of terror! hahaha.

this has gotten me all excited about skiing at the end of the semester!! i am so looking forward to the skiing at Queenstown!! this is just one lick off the icing of the cake! awwwww. come'on. give me MORE yummy stuff!!

2007-05-02T15:42:00.000+08:00

WHAT DID YOU SAY??!!!

OH MY GOD!!!
jenny just told me that there were MICE on our roofs!!!! THEY WERE SCRATCHING OUR ROOFS!!! they woke her up last night!!! initially, she thought that somebody was at the door but the sleepy and confused jenny went back to sleep not long after. and one moment ago, she walked over to my side and said 'we have mice'.
'WHAT?!?! WHERE?!?!!'.
'rooftop'.
freak!! i am so going to close my windows!! i have so much food on my side! meaning that there is a terrible high chance that my mouse cousins will party on my studying desk (that is by the freaking window) !

despite the affiliation, i dont think we know each other that well. thanx for dropping by though. cool. i appreciate that.
that's it. byebye forever.
never going to see you again.

2007-05-02T10:42:00.000+08:00

How can this be happening??!?!?

i cant believe it. i am feeling stressed!!! very stressed. the last thing that can come out from the mouth of an exchange student. what the f***. binge. insomnia. sigh. the deadlines have changed. the most updated ones are 7th, 8th, 16th, 17th and 23rd. i am so going to die for the submissions on the 16th and 23rd. planning report on the 16th and governance report on the 23rd. the governance report is really a bitch. 60 percent. that is f**king going to murder me.

whatever. i am going for my run again. please drain every single bit of energy that i have.
I NEED SLEEP!!!! =~(

Congrats to my darlings who are done with your exams. Great job!! =)

2007-05-01T13:18:00.000+08:00

Trauma, trauma, trauma.

dear, do you remember what you told me the other time about people losing their nose studs in their sleep? IT HAPPENED THIS MORNING!!! crap. i knew i was touching my nose in my sleep when i had that series of dreams..what the hell was i dreaming about!?!! did i actually pull it out myself??!!!?! sigh.

it was weird that i actually sat up before my alarm went off at 0730 to check if my stud was there. the first word that came to my mind was F***..jumped out of bed to find my stud, cleaned it and tried to put it back in. boy, it was as stubborn as a bull. thankfully, jenny came back from breakfast not long after and rendered me assistance. BUT, the original stud didnt fit and jenny gave me a tiny one of hers. it was freaking painful since the inner wall of the nose was swollen from all the poking. i was in cold sweat and the dizzy spells totally left me weak and bedridden. instead of the black spots that you would usually see before you faint, i saw total darkness even with my eyes wide-opened. it was hell of a time. it was far worse than piercing it. and i meant far far far far worse. the stud didnt exactly go right through the hole so i headed straight to the tattoo parlour during my break at 11.

'is it going to hurt a lot? morning was a trauma!'
unlike the fast and reassuring response he gave me when i did my piercing, his face cringed a little and winked at me. darn. oh wells. at least, i had it back in again. this thing is giving me so much trouble. consecutive days of bleeding, falling out. argh.

i should seriously bind myself before i sleep from now on. oh, and tape that mouth of mine as well. jenny said i was sleeptalking around 6ish in the morning. it must have been that fight in my dream..for honey you say? haha. you better watch out. if my nose stud ever comes out again, i better see some TANGIBLE form of compensation for the pain and the bad quality sleep that you have put me through. bish. hehe. ;)

2007-04-28T10:10:00.000+08:00

found this as i was looking through the pictures on my computer..
resemblance?

2007-04-27T21:40:00.000+08:00

Commercial Break 2:
Part 1 - Happy News for the Week

1) went to check out my development test result on sunday. phew! 71 and it's a B. good enough.
2) took back the shitty planning project that revolves largely around physical geography on tuesday. slogged my guts out for it.

wheeee!!!! that's for stage 1. stage 2 will have more physical and human geography. sobsob. i am a history student man. lost touch of geography since sec 2. momo...

3) happiest thing!!!!!!!!!!! I RECEIVED YOUR CARD, JIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it came on wednesday!!!! i walked past the letterbox and i thought 'no harm checking my mail though i usually have none'..AND WOOHA!!!!
i was hopping around the stairway!!!! wahahha!!!! I LOVE YOU DEAR!!!
but you are super early!!! your birthday card came half a month earlier!!! wahahah!!!!

MMUUUUAAAACCCCKKKKKSSSSS~~~~~~~~~*melts*

Part 2 - Random events
1) bin went alfresco for one of her studying outings with herself last friday morning! haha. got myself settled down at this square along high street (where all the boutiques are). this street sets itself apart from the modern highrise commercial buildings with its victorian structures. sweet. it has a terrific ambience but it was way too cold! the chilly winds. *brrr* (dont be jealous tucky. hehe. let's go vtearoom again when i get back!!! =P)

my tea and notes~ hehe.

since i couldnt stand the chill, bin moved to the general library in the university. and this is the result of boredom. snapping time for her highness with her handphone~

but i was downright unlucky that day.
first and foremost, i stupidly went into the gents. 'why does this washroom look different..urinal? SHUCKS!' the best part was that this came in a package. a guy who was coming down the stairs was heading for the bathroom as i hurried out. =X
brillant.

thereafter, my dearest slipper betrayed me right after i stepped out of the building. totally beyond wearing condition!!

i walked back home from school with one side barefooted. sigh. there were so many people standing around me as i stood by the traffic light junction. =(
so your beloved cleverly attempted to keep herself busy with texting along my way back. but she just had to make that loud shriek when she stepped on a sharp stone as she was laughing softly at the text from our dear ron. darn. 'hahaha-aHHHHHH'. the crowd around me turned and gave me the weirdest stare you can ever get. genius.

last but not least, your dearest blind bat almost stepped onto the hand of a tramp who was sleeping off the streets when i got down to queens street to get a new pair of slippers.
what a day.

2) this is a piece of very outdated news. haha. participated in HSBC Round the Bays run on 18 March 07, Sunday. a 8.4km fun run for the first time! it took place around the bays as the name suggested. i love it! the weather and scenery were simply great!
the tag to put on during the run. (i felt like a product off the racks..gigiantic barcode that was scanned for record taking purpose. hahaha)

results of the run! so much for after not running in eons. hohoho.

2007-04-19T09:15:00.000+08:00

Commercial Break!!!

2 changes this week! Spot it!

Before

After

oh my god..i didnt know what went through my mind! i actually went for it!!!
i was really scared when they said that they were not going to numb it.
'oh, you dont need that. it is really quick.'
oh man.

my muscles froze as we paced towards the tattoo and body piercing shop. marilee and wen chien were nice enough to follow me to the store early this morning. chien wanted to get a second pair of earholes while marilee merely wanted to see how a nose piercing works. haha.

the shop front

the interior

upon entering, we were greeted by this strong stench of antiseptic. dental clinic!! and there was the 'eeeee' noise in the background. two guys were getting their body tattoos then! ouch.
i arrived at about 10:20am and we were told that we had to wait for 20 minutes. they had to sterilise all the equipments before the procedure. *scared!!* the setting didnt make it any better. with the metal cupboards, sinks and beds, the place resembled a surgical room! oh my god. it seemed as though they were going to cut some organs out of me. shucks! i did think of dropping that idea but it was now or never. just whack it. ahhhhhh!!!

this was how the piercing worked.
first, you sit down on the bed and you choose the side that you want the stud to be on.

then, he would clean the nose area and mark the spot to pierce with a small marker.

check that you are satisfied with the spot in the mirror and you are ready to go.
he took out a metal tool which was used to widen the nostrils and presumably reduce the pain of the piercing and, a thin metal rod.
everything happened really quickly. the metal tool was stuck into the left nostril, widened and the metal rod pierced right through..pulled out the rod and put in the nose stud. poof! done!

nose stud inserted.

the terrified bin. i had my eyes closed all the time. freaky!! it wasnt very painful but i was stunned and overwhelmed. the last thing that i want now is a sneeze. yawn too! faints.
holding the instruction sheet and the bottle of lotion for the after-care measures.

bin has no guts.

and there you are.

yes, i had my haircut as well..by an ang moh on tuesday. hahaha.

*p.s. sorry maddie. bin didnt listen to you. i piak myself.

2007-04-17T19:54:00.000+08:00

Finally!- the official start of the road trip down south.
Day 4: 9th Apr, 2007
Moving from Auckland to Whitianga~

the guys decided to take the coastal highway to take a glimpse of the beautiful scenery. it was certainly an enjoyable journey for the girls who were taking the backseats but it wasnt exactly so for mosey and hk. the utterly long winding road, tight turns and ever-changing speed limits proved to be a little too overwhelming for our beloved driver, hk, and the narrow roads were too scary for our dear mosey, the navigator. he was trying very hard not to look down the cliff that was right beside him. hehe. scared scared huh mosey.

some photos taken along the way.

the first cow that doesnt look like a black dot from where i were.

the stopover was made at Coromandel for lunch before we switched driver and move on. we had fish and chips for lunch and the nz's pricing theory is definitely bizarre. 10 bucks for fish and chips with 2 eggs and 2.50 for each extra piece of fish. so the chips and 2 eggs effectively costs 7.50?! hmm. oh, things do not necessarily get cheaper if you buy in bulk in nz as well. a few small packets of rice that make up 10 kg can be cheaper than one big pack of 10kg. what on earth is the producer thinking about.

it was a pleasant surprise when we arrived at our first motel stay at Whitianga - the beach motel. contrary to the sleazy and rundown motels that we relate to, motel in nz is more like a small landed housing unit that accommodates temporary occupancy.

tada! the two units that we have rented! so pretty! it has everything too (except washing machine)! microwave, stove, cutlery, plates, radio cum alarm, fridge, nice and decent toilet, dining table and a tv! woohOO!! see how happy the three of them were. haha.

the surrounding units

the girls' room.

fantastic toilet.

ron posing with our tv and dining table. hehe.

we headed out to the supermarket and the hotwater beach soon after we checked into the motel. a race against time! just before we had to be confined to our house after the sun set.
i must say the hotwater beach looked really pretty against the sun set. i probably didnt do justice to this with my photography skills.

supposedly, we would have to either bring or rent a spade in order to dig our own hole to enjoy the hotwater like everyone else. however, the arrival at 5ish was a bad timing since stores in nz always close on the dot. anways, we figured out that we could use the pools left behind by others since we merely wanted to soak our feet. haha.

the water was very hot! especially in some random and unexpected areas. poof. my feet was almost cooked! haha!
our feet!! can you figure out which pair belongs to me? wahahaha.

got it right?..yes, it is that chao da pair! with slippers tan! what the hell! hahhaha!! this is so ridiculous..two of them actually belonged to the guys somemore. feet as big as a guy's, hands about the same size as guy's (bigger than mosey's!??!!) and feet darker than them as well. sad case.

the hotwater pools

AND...cooking time!!! so happy!!! i finally get to cook for the first time i am here!! soup soup soup soup soup!!! i want to drink soup!!! why the hostel not have stoves?!! sigh.
bin in action! (fat arms can..sigh sigh sigh)

our end products!! stragnoff by ron, veg and rice by liling and onion egg omelette and abc soup by me ;)

it took us approximately 1.5hrs to cook but everything was wiped out in 15-20 minutes!
5 hungry ghosts! hahah!! and i was said to be quiet for quite a while since i was all focused on my food. wahahaha!! food was damn good! yummy pasta and veg!! woohoo!!! (die..i am hungry now~?! bad news at 1:33am..faints)

2007-04-17T18:03:00.000+08:00

What was I dreaming about..
Day 3: 8th Apr, Sunday

i woke up this morning with the most incredulous piece of information presented to me about myself. hk said i was sleeptalking last night and i said '我要吃...' goodness! what on earth was my dream about?!?! oh well. not only did i discovered that i sleeptalk, i do have lots of cravings as well. a self-discovery trip indeed. wahaha!!

for your information, i was actually referring to long beach by the wrong name all these while. it is long bay regional park. oops. found out about after mosey's inability to find the route to 'long beach'. ahaha.
we collected more shells this time and i certainly made a wrong move by taking the clams that were not opened. they totally stink up my room after i came back. the shells were opened by the time i came back and they were giving out potent gas!!! so freaking smelly! mosey you dont believe me right, i will bring them to your room in christchurch! boooo!!!

long bay revisited! ron and i.

silly face.

and he said hi to us! so adorable!!

happy mosey. hehe.

mosey will never appear in pictures with the drenched dogs beside him. he was keeping his safe distance from these dogs! just in case they start shaking off the excess water on them! hahah!! the clean freak!

hk entertaining himself and ron. haha. (the golf ball is there! why are you searching for up there?!)

the yellow flowers~ it looks so out of place on my hair. haha. the blur and confused liling. hehe.

so cool and pretty! courtesy of ron! colour accent!

come to me baby!

SEP '07 rulez

guess what, this drawing actually made ron and i discovered that we were from the same art class! boon lay art centre! and her cousin, victor liu yu zhe is my primary school classmate!??! i think we did sat beside each other before, did we? hahah. such a coincidence!!!!

us!~!! (from left: me, ron, liling, hk, moses)

went to victoria park market thereafter. it was terribly lousy. there were very few visitors and it was a total mismatch between the description on the brochure for it and its actual site condition. where are the arts and cultural performance?! this is the worst venue ever recommended by the nz tourism board. 100 percent inaccuracy. i didnt even bother to take pictures. *shakes head*

mosey, hk, ron and i took a walk along the ferry terminal after our dinner at an ah-tiong in disguise Japanese restaurant. a weird prc waitress with some funny tasting rice. hmmm.

night view of the ferry terminal. my camera has astig problem like me. gosh.

the dunkin donut story hadnt ended as yet. we bought our third ultimate mega donut feast on our third day in auckland! 8+4 donuts!! hahah! sweet! a pity that the picture for this is not with me at the moment. try visualising a soft and savoury donut covered with sugar icing and custard creme oozing out of it as you slowly bite into it. awwwwwww. simply heaven.

2007-04-17T18:02:00.001+08:00

Exciting day for the girls! Sorry guys.
Day 2: 7th Apr, Saturday

since the car was pretty useless in a cbd given the ridiculous parking fees that we had to pay, walking to the Aotea Market (read as a-yo-tay-ear) that was just 5-10 minutes away from my hostel would be the best option. (parking at 4 per hour for the ones off the road, some others were like $5 for the first half an hour, $8 for one hour..madness!)!it is somewhat like our pasar malam but at much higher prices of course.

taken in front of the square with liling.

there were these two girls by the side of the square asking for free hugs and we happily went for it. haha. i have seen this in singapore and i merely gave them the dont-you-have-anything-better-to-do look. hahaha. blatant biasness.

the highlight of the day was...SHOPPING AT SYLVIA PARK - the biggest shopping centre in new zealand!!! hahaha.
the girls were very pleased with their trophies though it was regrettable that we only had 2-3 hours. with friday and sunday being the public holidays and resumption of a dead town like that on friday, all hell breaks loose today! my floodgates opened at the Foodtown instead. grocery shopping!!! hahaha!!! and i found my eating kaki! ron!! we stocked up so much!! as though there was going to be an imminent war or famine of sort. hahaha. chips, milk, nachos with salsa, chocolate, cheese..oh my god..and the list goes on. this trip is effectively the EATING TRIP for ron and i. the mouth simply cannot stop moving..and so does the weighing scale. wahaha.

apparently, having pizza for dinner didnt seem satisfying enough. so more dunkin donuts (the pathetic one which we had yesterday was certainly not enough) and mrs higgins! the mouse (me, born in the year of rat) and tiger (ron, born in the year of tiger) were hungry. squeak squeak. roaR!

with a bag of dunkin donuts (5+1) and posing in front of mrs higgins after our purchase.

salivating!!

dominos pizza! funky chicken tasted really good!

2007-04-17T15:19:00.000+08:00

Easter Hols!~!!!!
Day 1: 6th Apr, Friday

woohoo!! they are here!! moses (mosey), veron (ron), hongkai (hk) and liling (ll) came over from christchurch this friday morning and bunked at my place. hohoho! (told you my room is able to fit all of you and you didnt believe me huh, mosey. hehe.)
we wanted to go to rangitoto initially but it turned out that we didnt have enough time to make it back in time for the ferry so we went to mission bay and the Skytower instead. felt kind of cheated after i got up to the viewing deck of the skytower. singapore definitely has a prettier skyline as compared to auckland's. that's probably why we would spend money planning the city lights and all.

an icecream treat to make up for rangitoto? hehe. mama mia! am i right, ron? hoho.

a walk along mission bay

the city of sails

presenting to you the skyline of auckland

dinner at the korean restaurant. *drools* (from left, clockwise: hk, me, ron, ll)

the night ended with an early easters gift exchange among some of my friends in my hostel.
my first easter celebration! lala.
we drew lots to pick the person whom we are going to prepare the gift for and tada! this is for kate! marshmallows with banana fillings and chocolate coating, eclairs and easter eggs~

kate and i (kate is an exchange student from UK and this is her second semester over here)

Lia (from Korea, going 23) has gotten for me a bracelet and a choco bar. she was very shocked when she realised that everyone else have gotten nothing but chocolates for the easters gift exchange. hehe. culture difference eh. actually, i wouldnt know if jenny hasnt told me about it. =P little disappointed that there is only 1 bar of choco but everything happens for a reason man. answer to be revealed in subsequent entries. haha.

all of us. (from top left: me, alex from sg, lola from iran, kate from uk, sarah from germany, guy with pointy hat..oops i forgot his name..from nz, sean from korea. from bottom left: lia from korea, her friend..forgot name again..sigh..from korea and shairia from nz)

and this is my little present from our dear jenny! hehe.
choco eggs!!! cadbury!! i want to dunedin for this man. chocolate factoRY!!!!!

2007-04-02T06:36:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BELATED APRIL'S FOOL TO ME!!!!

i must be feeling REALLY bored!
i actually mixed up the submission date for my planning assignment!!!
3 apr, 10am!! not 2 apr 10am!!
GOSH!! i looked like a mad woman (i might be one though..HAHA)!!
ran on the streets while the rest do step count all the way to their destinations.
(unless you are in your running attire, you are insane to be seen running..chill man..AHHH..and if you are in that attire, you better get your ass running)
shuffled through the packed computer lab early in the morning among the many vultures waiting for an idling computer.
went to the 4th level to find the submission box missing?!
'oh no..have they kept it away?!..since when have they been so efficient??!'
how could stupid thoughts like this could even cross my mind in times as such. *faints*

enquired at the planning office for the whereabouts of the submission box and i made the lady questioned the accuracy of her list of submission dates. and tada!! this bright guy checked his database. 'it is due tomorrow at 10am'.
HAPPY BELATED APRIL'S FOOL DAY TO ME!!!
dont play play..my brain has the power to plan for surprises without the detection of the main operating system.

there was an outburst of laughter a few steps after i went out of sight. oh my god. what an idiot!
find me a hole.

2007-03-28T11:16:00.000+08:00

My FINAL WARNING to YOUUUUU!!!!!!

let me tell you..BINJUAN IS NOT A KIND SOUL!!!
stop asking things from mE!!!!
this is freaking pissing me off!!!
'cos i cant catch the next line if i copy so i just sit there and listen'
HELLOOO!!!!
do i freaking look like i can catch everything?!?!?!?!
you cant catch it and you are going to sit there and listen while i copy frantically, try to understand at the same time AND LEND IT TO YOU THEREAFTER?!?!?!!
hey hey hey!!!!
this is WRONG!!! SOOOOOOOOOO WRONG!!!!!
NO ONE WAY TRAFFIC!!!

half a semester has passed and i am SOOOOOOO mad!!!
i have made my stand clear today
'i dont like one-way traffic.. you should also copy cos i cant catch everything myself. we can share but NOT one-way traffic'
i have said my piece.
if you freaking come asking for notes again with VERY LITTLE things jotted down, you better get your insurance beforehand.
i dont know how my hands will react or how my brain will respond.
i advise that you watch your step.
there are mines EVERYWHERE!!!!

i dont flare up doesnt mean that i am alright with all this crap!
first it was food then the notes.
do i look like a food provider?!?! or do i look like your maid?!?!!!

sharing my dinner when you will be cooking later in the evening..
continued eating when you claimed that you were afraid that i would be hungry in the night..

asking for my bloody transponder when i was supposed to be answering your question about what i will be doing for my weekend trip..
'you wouldnt be eating your meals over the weekend right?'
asking me repeatedly despite the turndowns and i had to give you a flat 'no' to end it.
what the hell.
i hate to do that! why must you force me?!
you have your freaking lunch and dinner coupons!! what are you saving them for!??!

packed lunch for you cos you havent gotten your money then.
i wont mind continue doing that if you were appreciative.
but you took it for granted and kept asking me for it even after i told you that the chef found out and wasnt happy with my acts.
'so today you didnt pack it for me HOR'
OF COURSE!!!
do you freaking remember that i told you the day before that i was CAUGHT?!?!
what do you not understand?!?!

AND YOU TRIED YOUR LUCK AGAIN!!
asked me to pack lunch cos we were supposed to have project meeting during our one hour lunch break!!!
firstly, you knew very well that we only have an hour (fixed timetable)!
pack your lunch man!!
secondly, you have a mini-mart downstairs..get it if you want or get lunch in school?!!
thirdly, I WAS CAUGHT!!! CHEF DOESNT LIKE ME!!!
YOUR FRIEND (that is if i am even one) WAS 'BLACKLISTED'
STOP!!!!

THEN, it was all the notes FROM ME!!!
can you tell me why arent you copying!?!!
oh yes..i forgot..
you said that lecture was boring..
and you were very sleepy..dont know why i feel tired even with 10 hours of sleep like EVERYDAY?!??
('you dont look like you have 5-7 hours of sleep everyday. from the amount of things you copied during lecture, you look as though you had 12 hours of sleep everyday'..oh thank you. i didnt know my momo has bestowed with such refreshing look)
lecturers have thick accents too..oh that is new..i can totally understand them.
and yes, you were very confused..
next, you cant copy and write at the same time.
anymore???
they are totally valid..
how can anyone be awake all the time? nah..lectures put us to sleep..the accent is really atrocious..it is absolutely understandable.
F*** off!
sit there and do nothing!??!
stop leeching!!!
I HAVE NOTHING THAT YOU WANT!!!

how about i give you some really simple options to choose from (it doesnt require your brain)
1) i have no shame
2) i am just totally insensitive
3) i think you are not angry

this is SEP!!! high time for you to learn new things, be more independent and whatever.
NOT asking you to find MORE trees to lean on and feed on them!!!
i am so going to rot from all the bites you have given me!
this tree is gone.
poisoned in the heart.
u will die a horrible death if you take another bite.
believe me.
or you can try. probably you should try.
i can assure you that you are so going to take my words for it.

2007-03-26T10:29:00.000+08:00

Purrrrfect..

Strangely..the pillow has become amazingly comfy these days..
let's communicate further..

2007-03-26T08:39:00.000+08:00

Cut!
This cannot bloody go on..

They have to stop...!!!!!!
1. serving size (half!!)
2. red meat
3. cheese & butter!
4. crackers and snacks
5. cakes and pastries
6. granola bars
7. hot choco & juices
8. potato!! (damn it..i had soooooooooo much of this)

MORE MORE MORE.

1. tons of veg!!
2. water!!!
3. fruits!!
4. running and walks!!!!

2007-03-22T19:45:00.000+08:00

Random pictures

some outdated pictures taken some time back.

my first day on campus @ albert park, 22 feb

at hannah's place, 27 feb

the civic welcome for international students @ the Auckland Town Hall
(taken on 28 feb..this date is so familiar right!?!hahaha..how dare you! right after i left!)

SEP fair held at the quad, 9 mar (together with the Anita, NUS IRO personnel and Prof Goh.)
we actually had our dinner together at a korean restaurant the previous evening for FREE! paid for by IRO. do you feel the pinch? your fees in my stomach. wahaha

our site visit to the whau river (whau read as fow).
my project mates from my environmental planning module, 17 mar
(from left: hannah, fae, me, amanda. francie wasnt able to make it)

2007-03-22T18:36:00.000+08:00

How nice.

it took me miles apart to realise that they are so dear to me. how comforting and heartwarming it was to hear their voices. listening to all the noises made by a chirpy fifty year old woman on the other end of the phone can be so enjoyable. hahha. you made my day, momo. you are so noisy! non-stop! but you are really adorable (when you dont nag that is). hehe. muacks! all the tiny tiny details about the snow and food in china. gosh! do you know it is 10:44pm over at my side?? you are making me HUNGRY!!! told you to stop and you happily ignored me. very good. hahaha. sometimes you wonder if people get more childish as they get older. she was so excitable! goodness. hahaha.

i like the momo with all smiles. excited about food again! hahaha.

and the lazy momo. (she will so kill me if she sees this)

i love you, momo! oops. and daddy of cos! how can i forget you *hugs*

are you trying to act cool, daddy?

hehe. muacks! you rock.

2007-03-22T15:32:00.000+08:00

Jumbled up

it is always bizarre how you can be so tongue tied despite the number of things you have on your mind. i am speechless this very instance. the happy news that i have received and the sad things that i have recalled..oh wells. if i could put them in words, this would probably not be an issue then. is this an issue in the first place? i am confused. ha.

dreams and reality. take your pick.
reality. harsh as it is, that is the dimension where you can do something to help yourself. i would love all the beautiful things that we see in our fantasy but it is only a matter of time that reality sets in. wouldnt it be even better to see the lovely things in reality instead? i would like to. i would love to and i want to. i want to. no dreams. they are unreal and intangible. i want them to be real. real.

i wouldnt know what you would call this. pro-active? realist? whatever. what difference does it make anyway. i want a change. i want to effect a change. a change in my own life. out of the hole and see the world. meet new people. try new things!

i got to know this girl named florence over dinner today. a bubbly and animated commerce graduate student. her enthusiasm totally got me all excited as she narrated her experiences in all the countries she had been to. i want to lead that sort of life. the life of an explorer!! unravel the unknowns..always on the move!

yes..i like to on the move. move to somewhere better. BETTER!!!
things will be better!! and they can only be better!!!!
MUCH BETTER!!
fight if i must. forward it shall be. nothing less.
UP AND ON!
sa i love you for this.

to my two darlings, i am really happy that the one has appeared!
i cannot tell you how much joy that brought me.
wanna hug the two of you so tightly!!!
celebrate and go ra-ra the whole night!!
awww..
祝你们幸福快乐!!!!!!

2007-03-06T17:39:00.000+08:00

the irrelevance~

1) stationery up for sale! correction pen at $9.90! pilot hi-techpoint pen for $6.90! signo pen for $4.90!
ah yes..you heard me right! and they are in NZ dollar..momo i wan my pens!!

2) general knowledge:
a) dont keep your fruits in the plastic bag unless you want them to ripe faster. fruits do give out methane gas which will speed up the ripening process. jenny taught me this..haha..isnt it great to have a science geek around! (i didnt gave her this nickname..that was how she introduced herself back then) haha.

b) when you put on your pack, it is especially important to tighten the straps for your waist so that the load is bore by your back muscles instead of your shoulders. we have bigger back muscles and so yea. let them do the work. – contributed by amy. she has definitely made the trip on the second day a much easier one. and did i even mention that i took the path along the ridges down to the piha beach?

3) if someone in university of Auckland ever tell you that they will be having a bbq for their events like beach outings and orientations, expect sausages BARBEQUED over the grill with bread, onions, ketchup and mustard. feel very cheated right? hahhaha!!

4) the banks get really competitive over here. so you can get 40 bucks credited into account within 10 working days once you sign up for the ASB bank. and of course, i have pocketed the money. the national bank gives out free backpack or mp3 player if you sign up with them too. so you know, i did it as well. hahahha! good job!

5) you get to borrow a book from the university library for 28 days BUT the catch is that your loan duration will be halved (yet to be tested) once someone recalls (online request like what we have in nus) the book. so the idiotic thing is for you to keep checking your email as they will send you an email once the book is being recalled. troublesome.

6) you can differentiate between an asian from caucasian just by staring at their feet. only (some) crazy asian students will wear high heels on this hilly auckland terrain.

7) one last stupid thing that i thought of when i was about to reach brisbane for the transit to nz.
a conversation between an australian and a new zealander.
nz: hi there, are you a kiwi?
aust: no mate, i am a koala.

HAHAHAHA…sorry..i know this is real dumb. hahahha.

2007-03-06T13:52:00.000+08:00

Working out the MUSCLES!!

i must say the overnight tramping trip at the waitakere ranges was an eye-opener!
it is definitely amazing that i can trek 6-7 km up to the hut and 8 km down to the Piha beach!
gosh..moving up the bloody steep terrain was poof! i was damn scared when i was moving down the slopes! i was holding onto the sturdy trunks for my dear life as i was finding a groove to get me anchored..haha.. i was a little unstable even when i was walking on the flat ground with my pack that weighs at least 8kg *faints* so trekking with that up and down the slopes (about 60 degrees inclined or almost 70 for some) was unimaginable!! besides, i was in front of my US friends who did quite a bit of tramping back home..so i had to be fast so that i dont jammed up the line! ahh..that was stressful..hahah..what a strange and foreign way of using 'stress'.

it was literally wilderness with the protuding roots, the uneven trails and the tons of bushes, trees and ferns crossing into the paths (or should i say we were in their paths..hahah..and some of them dont even look like a path!). a kiwi told us that waitakere is one of the least managed trails around.. so you know you know.. i was on the tramping crash course!?!
the second tramping trip after rangitoto and my first time with a pack.. wahahha!! fantastic!

the most hilarious thing was that i actually found this sign funny at the start of the trip.

goodness..please show your due respect to this sign. it is a killer!!
i was on 4 crawls when i made my way to the pool after i left my pack at the hut rented by the tramping club. thank goodness i did not have my pack on..else i dont know what i will do.
stupid me actually did not learn my lesson after the tedious hike up to the hut. i kept thinking that the sign was nothing but a bluff after i walked on a fairly flat ground for 15 minutes. but yes, the show was just about to get exciting! wahaha.. i met the group of guys who took the long and wet trip (you are required to walk through rivers, climb, trek and dont know do what for 5-6 hours with their packs) along my way. they almost died when i told them it would be another 15 minutes to the hut. hahah. 'ah yes, 15 minutes WITHOUT your pack' one said. erm, yah. hahah.. i am sorry. hahah.

aiyz..but i definitely had my fair share of retribution throughout the trip..fell when i was crossing the small river and i was rewarded with two ridiculously big bruises on my right kneecap and calf..had cuts on my bruised kneecap when i was walking through the bushes and tons of insect bites over the body! die..i dont want to be in the karma league with yang and yifeng!

right, after blabbering so much, it is only right to put up the precious rewards for this trip!

the very first part of the journey.

the last few glimpse of the sky before we moved on.

there were no shower facilities..so this was the best that we can get..and so much for wanting to see THE pool!

our hut where some of them slept in.

i slept in the tent with aaron, amy and jenny. we were tearing down the tent we slept for the night. while all of us said that we were tired, i was the only one who slept the most. hahah..the rest of them could not! oops. (foreground: amy, background: aaron)

this is hilarious..you need big boobs to be a tramper. oh no..i think i just shoot myself in the foot. damn it.

finally, the view! (after being stuck in the woods for hours)

the group left us as we took the chance to catch a glimpse of the sea during one of the stops. :X
thankfully, the trail was rather obvious this time.

Just before reaching the beach! (from left: me, amy, aaron)

the piha beach

nothing better to do

dont you love to live here

taken on the bus as we headed back home

this trip was fun! i want do it again!

2007-03-04T19:09:00.000+08:00

moomOos and baabaaS~

gosh..it has been 10 days since i came..everything seemed to be happening so quickly and i have actually procrastinated for so longgg!! i am such a bum.
i am doing well over here..the hostel is terrific and i have got a fantastic roommate! thank goodness! things could have been much worse..hehe.

tada! there she is! jenny from the states - wisconsin, doing biochemistry and going 22 this year. haha. any takers? hehe. (taken after my hostel's formal dinner on fri)

this is my hostel and my room! jealous eh! one of the best rooms in my hostel (International House, IH)..it has an attached bathroom! but of course, the hostel fees are the best as well. hahah. it is a standard deluxe double..only realised that i am having it when i was calculating the payment for the hostel fees. oops..hahah.

that is the exterior of IH from its main gate. (quite disappointed when i first saw it..had much higher expectations for it since it was one of their conserved buildings)

some of IH's interior. (from left: receptionist office with mini library and computer room, dining hall, corridor to MY ROOM!)

p.s. the food here is good! so much better than expected! i eat like 3 times more than i did in sg..my plate is always heaped with food! (feel like an ah tiong..darn..always see them doing these back in nus :X) and guess what, my food serving is at least twice of my american friends' everyday..food spreads out evenly on their plates and they do not finish everything..i took a mountain of it and i finish everything?!?! incredulous! (this p.s. is so bloody long..haha)

entering our room - view from jenny's side (from left: her table, divider from her view, divider from my view)

MY ROOM!!
super neat alright! very spacious as well..at least my sg room plus the common bathroom i think..jenny is nice to keep this side for me..wheee!!it is so much brighter than her side! the funny thing is that she likes her room to be dark..so this is the best of both worlds! hoho..besides, the bathroom is on my side..really convenient!
(i did not forget all of you! i had all of your pics developed and pasted in my room! i was extorted by the film shop..60 cents per photo!! ouch!)

alrighty..highlight of events for the days since i arrived in auckland!

hightlight 1: beach outing to Long Beach Regional Park on last saturday (4th day in auck)
the main shore itself was normal but the coastal walk that leads to Granny's Bay was fabulous!awww..i lurve it there! i have so many photos and i did not know what to show!?

bird's eye view of the main coast

this is cheryl..malaysian, going 21.

coast of granny's bay

the walk to the shore

lurve the skies.

and the fat pigeon!

happily stranded!

ah..and yes..there was supposed to be 3 of us. hannah is the girl from my faculty who went for SEP with me (middle).

highlight 2: Rangitoto - a port that orginated from a young dormant volcano.
this trip was organised as part of IH's O-week trips..it was fun checking out the caves! we actually squeezed through two of the lava caves! but there was this super huge one..it was about 2.5 times that of my height and we had to climb out of the cave at the end of it! exciting!
the walk was made even more enjoyable with sarah, the geology major. she was explaining and describing about the rocks and formations! nice!

highlight 3: Waitakere Ranges (read as y-ta-ki-ri-ranges)..yawn..next time man..3am?!! dying..just went through this today..zzz time! goodnight!

2007-01-31T02:42:00.000+08:00

Snap out of it!

1) NOBODY CAN MAKE YOU FEEL SHITTY EXCEPT YOURSELF!
2) KNOW WHAT YOU WANT AND MARCH! FORWARD!!! FIGHT~~!!!!!!!!!!(from A)
3) INDEPENDENCE! (from J)
4) GIVE YOURSELF WHAT YOU WISH SOMEONE ELSE WOULD GIVE YOU! (from Sa)
5) LOVE YOURSELF (from Si)
6) FIND YOURSELF

我会更好!!!

更好,更好,更好!!!!

世界会更美丽!!!!!!!!!!

2007-01-22T21:58:00.000+08:00

一线之差

尽管风景依旧, 昔日的情怀早已烟消云散.
尽管多么靠近, 那也不过是个擦身而过.
无论过去的日子有多美好, 那也已成了过眼云烟.
追溯历史只会带来伤痛.
伤心如何, 害怕又如何.
太阳依然会从东边升起.
唯有展望未来才可抽身一切, 从新出发.
快乐与否也莫过于一种选择.

2007-01-22T19:06:00.000+08:00

You..

..bestowed life to the giant that been waiting to be awakened.
your presence has finally unearthed the fears that I have relentlessly been trying to put behind me.
as i caught a glimpse of you from a distance, my first reaction was 'darn'.
i did not know how to react!
what do I have to do?.. i am scared..terrified!
the canteen was very packed but there was only a tall and burly man who kept us apart.
‘please let me hide behind you’ i prayed.
but he was gone before i knew it.
i was right beside you.
..right beside you!
i wished i could disappear there and then.
helpless is the only word.
how apt.
then a voice behind me had to say ‘binjuan..’
sshhh.. do not say my name, ning..
we were zero distance apart.
he can hear us.
please..

i do not know if he did saw me or was pretending not to.. but i continued scrambling in the other direction.
the heart was seemingly screaming for its escape.
let me survive. i will be good.

i cannot imagine what would happen if our eyes met.
i will totally lose control and take flight.
i will.
totally freaked out.

...
your appearance has casted doubts on the happiness that i seemingly had all these weeks.
i have been deceiving myself. have i?

fear, leave me.
i do not have what it takes to be your friend.
let me go.

2007-01-16T21:47:00.000+08:00

**Starry starry night**

Starry, starry night shepherds watching

Oh what a site, on a starry night

The angels fill the sky with so much glory that they blind the starry night

Starry, starry night, are you watching?

The sky is shining bright on this starry night'cause the diamonds of the heavens are the same ones that were shining

On the shepherds and the wise men and the savior on that starry, starry night
Starry night

***

a star-studded night it is.

twinkling against the dark blue skies.

i wish i could be..

listening to an open air concert..

admiring the stars.

strolling along the shores..

on the soft white sand,

barefooted.

lying on the pastures..

watching the little magic show staged by the clouds..

transforming into interesting shapes and characters.

how nice.

the heart seeks serenity.

2007-01-12T02:38:00.000+08:00

Words of optimism

says:
ur pillar will come in due time
says:
just prepare urself for him
says:
and im sure he is preparing himself for u too

very sweet. thank you =)

there will someone preparing for all my dears too ;)

yet, i would prefer to live for myself (at least for the time being..really?)
living for another person seems so passive, restrained and helpless.
i want to have the freedom to choose; to select the path to take.
let me be the scriptwriter this once.

2007-01-11T01:09:00.000+08:00

Morpheus : I'm trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You're the one who has to walk through it.

come on! you are THE ONE. stop looking around. yes. you.

2007-01-11T00:07:00.000+08:00

Random thoughts..is it even random or consistent? (ha)

we look often so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

the door that leads to the vast greenery ahead is so attractive and mesmerising..but the force of the black hole seems ever present. drawing me back after every few steps..

it is tiring to do it over and over again.

is that the way to create jobs? you give yourself problems to generate work opportunities and to make yourself so seemingly important in solving the predicament.

right. mind, brain or whatever you are called, you are the almighty. my respects to you. stop your nonsense.

it is ridiculous enough for females to go through the monthly cycle. dont make this a cycle as well. you seems to like this ritual huh. sick.

yea. it definitely seems to be a problem of psychosomatic disorder. you are sick, mind. sick in the mind. or is it some mind games you are playing? ha.

ha. now you have certainly made me sound crazy.

how sane can we be to survive this chaotic world. they say it takes a forgetful person to be happy. only a forgetful person? maybe a crazy one can do as well. oh, does it?

the words from one who hasnt been sleeping much for the past few days should not be taken seriously.

fatigue triumphs.

2007-01-09T02:06:00.000+08:00

Sitting in with a different emotion

ding dong. time for school again. this holiday is definitely a short one. unfair huh. ntu ended earlier and we are starting on the same day?! haha..oops out of point. then again, it feels amazing to be back in school with all my friends. but that is probably because it is not time for me to get stressed. school has not really started for me! haha. (i am going to get it for this)

as i sat through the lecture, i cannot help but zone out occasionally. and guess what, there was a mcq quiz at the end of the lecture! goodness. the knitted frown tells all. this reminds me of john though, the exchange student from auckland U. his drive to learn simply amaze me. he may be considered slightly geeky (for the record, he has gotten a mix of Bs and As for his exchange semester in nus. well done dude.) but you can really see his passion to understand what he is studying shimmering in his eyes. while examples of those who study for excellent results are bountiful, avid learners seemed rare.

he expressed that the new zealand educational system provides them with more time to learn and that is probably the crux of the matter. as we cram ourselves with the knowledge to pass the umpteen hurdles and meet the pressing deadlines for projects, loving what you read is almost non existent on most occasions.

however, i definitely had fun taking the space market module last semester. the lecturer, dr cheng or affectionately known as jam jam to ms siewling was entertaining and the relevant text is fantastic! the first academic text which i enjoyed reading! the feeling of understanding what you have read and being able to refute on arguments made with regard to the concepts was great! i feel smart for the first time! wahaha.

while i wish that more modules can be like this, i should perhaps, be seeing this in another angle. seeking the joy of learning might be easier than praying for interesting modules which are hard to come by. oh man, it is all in the mind. **zz zz..are you seeing what i am seeing..** i had better acquire this joy before i come back from auckland. else, the 6 modules per semester is going to suck the life out of me. AND, auckland better be good. or rather, i had better make my trip a most enjoyable one to make up for the hell i will be getting when i am back! ahahaha!!